And the hits just keep coming.

As I mentioned in my last blog post. I've been fighting with the military in order to get my reenlistment bonus.

I went in on Monday to provide the paperwork to prove that i was supposed to be in a duty position before i reenlisted. The woman who works in the office said that the only person who could back date my file wasn't in on Monday. I asked it i could come back and check on it.

Tuesday I had class all day and couldn't make it back on base.

Wednesday I went on base after my class. I was told that the woman who could back date it was only on duty for another 10 minutes, which in government work means that she's done for the day. the woman in the office went and talked to her and I was told that I was trying to back date it in the system 'to far back'. which is so frustrating.

She said she would 'see what she could do' and if I didn't hear from her by Friday (tomorrow) than I'm supposed to call her. But, I'm going to be on duty tomorrow. So I figure I'll just swing by.

I'm just frustrated. I just really need the money. and to be honest, i have NO idea what the bonus is. I just know that I deserve it, but they won't give it to me easily.

gah!

Frustrated at life.

I start my second week of school this week. I'm going through a lot of transitions at my unit. I'm struggling to keep afloat already and I’m only one week in.

I came to a realization that I can't fix people and they're going to be fucking crazy with or without me. And that the only time me and B have really fought since we moved down here has to do with 2 people. So I’m slowly fazing them out. Not a big dramatic cut ties, but a lot less them and a lot more me. It was a long time coming. I just need to realize that I can't fix people at the deficit of me and my relationship.

That just means that B's the only person I have to talk to here now. So its back to the blog to vent and release. After all the whole reason I started this blog was to deal with my anxiety. So why not go back to that.

I found out last Thursday that there is a complication with my re-enlistment bonus. And I’m fighting to get it. My military records in the system didn't accurately reflect what it needed to, so until I get that fixed, I can't get my money. Which is stressful because B's been stressing his student loans and CC balance. I went in and corrected what was holding up the process, but what do you figure, the only person who can fix the glitch wasn't in. So now I have to go back in today to see if it was fixed.

I was on duty on Friday and Saturday. Friday I go into get on a computer and I can't get into the system. After fighting for 3 hours, the Com. people tell me that I’ve been completely deleted from the entire system. My old base is migrating there system and when the deleted the people who are no longer there, they delete them out of the system as a whole. I didn't get computer access till 2:30. The duty day ends at 4:30. It was so frustrating. I got the opportunity to come in and work every Friday to get the training material together for the inspection we have coming up. Its a GREAT opportunity for me to prove myself and show what I know. But, it can also place me in a spot light and that isn't always a good thing. People often think that if its 'not broke, why fix it'. Unfortunately, there is a lot that needs to be fixed in this unit.

I had to talk to B today about helping me out around the house. I told him that my class schedule is going to be hard core this term and i can't continue to do it all around the house like I have been. I told him that on his days off he's going to need to help me. He seemed to take it okay, and even made dinner for me tonight. He's been really trying because he already see's how much home work I have already, and again its only the second week.

I'm just frustrated.
Mostly I'm over tired. My sleep has been for shit lately. I'll have 1 or 2 days of good sleep, then i have a string of days of really poor sleep.

I really have no point to this I just needed to vent.
Thank you for listening.

Injury & Workmans Comp (Part II)

This one is super long stay with me.

So Iput my foot down. I emailed the "HR" guy and told him I wanted everything gone through WC. I didn't care how they paid for it, but I did want all the paper work put through.

So on the 17th I had a follow up appointment in which they put me on more meds. It was exactly one week and one day from the incident. I LOVED the doctor and he was great.

I had to go get a second set of x-rays on my neck. well... apparently I got stuck behind some lady that had to have full body x rays or some shit and was waiting for an hour and a half to get 4 x-rays of my neck.

(Total side bar) So the urgent care and the follow up place are in different offices directly across the hall. So when I went to get my neck x-rays they took me BACK over to the urgent care side and stuck me in a room, by myself, for over an hour. It was scary. I heard a woman screaming "OUCH! SOMEONE HELP ME", but I never saw her. There was a sick baby girl in another room (I did see her so sick, so cute) and I could hear her crying. It was scary. I made B give me a hug when I got back to the other side.

So the x-rays show nothing. No torn muscles, no bone damage. But I knew that.

So he put me on 3 doses of valum for 2 days and then 1 a day at bedtime the following days.

And a follow up in a week.

So when I went to fill my Rx. She told me my claim had been submitted, but not accepted.

(All of that was on a Wednesday)

then Thursday I got a call saying my claim WAS accepted! Thank GOD! Seriously I prayed so hard.

So I took my valum, and I was a zombie. And it was fantastic.


So Monday I started PT (physical Therapy)
He didn't do anything out of the ordinary.
he took a measurement of my movement and how far I could stretch my neck
he did a mini massage to gauge my sore spots and where I hurt
then he used the ultrasonic (I call it a vibrator) machine on my neck
then he hooked me up on this ultrasonic muscle stimulation thing. He put these sticky patches (4 I think) in various places on my neck shoulder and back. Then turned on a current. Covered my neck and back with a heating bad and left me for 15-20 min.

I felt fine when I left
but I hurt like HELLLLLLLLLLLLLL when I was done with the day.

B says it’s because it’s the first time those muscles have really been tested since I fell.

Today was my next follow up I had some douche bag doctor I was not a fan of. He told me that he didn't agree with the neck brace. I told him to bad.

I only wear the neck brace at work and when driving. When I’m at home I don't wear it unless I’m sleeping.

At work the other people sit behind me so no matter how hard I try to not turn, it’s nearly impossible.

He did keep me on my meds, which I’m thankful for because I’m sore as shit today too.
I take 1 naproxen in the morning and 1 naproxen when I get home
I take 1 valium before bed, and then vicoden if I need it.
For a while I didn't need the vicoden, but today and yesterday I needed 2 each night.

I told B that if I’m trying not to complain, but if I sit and allow myself to feel the pain, I bawl and bawl.

--------------------------------------

on the work front.
I’m keeping them updated. They’re being VERY passive aggressive about my taking time for PT and follow ups. And such.

My female boss always has some stupid and inappropriate comment to say about my doctor's paper work that I ALWAYS give to her. She nitpicks it to death.

"What does contusion mean?"
"why does your "diagnosis" change every time you go in"
"Since when did your hip come into play"

stupid crap like that

I ignore her. But it really gets old. Really really old.

----------------------------------------------

I have PT
Thursday
Friday

then Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday

Then wednesday i leave work at noon and i have a 4 day duty weekend to make up for the one i missed. but because i'm off the 3 day valium i can make it.


thank you for listening if you did make it through all that.
i get so frustrated
my BFF A doesn't care about my issues
and B gets tired of me venting

thanks for listening.
this is the first time i have been undrugged enough to type it all out.

I'm Loved

I was nominated for another award (back on jan 12th - thanks for letting me know lady!) by the lovely Mrs. S @ Him + Me.

As is tradition with recipients of this award, I will fill you in on 10 things that you may (or may not!) want to know about me.

1) I'm an interior design student (on hold, but still). I love seeing things come together. I like seeing things happen from concept to culmination. I like having an idea in my head and seeing it come to life.

2) My goal with my degree isn't to design multi-million dollar homes, although that would be cool. My goal with my design degree is to help the busy soccer mom who struggles to stay sain. i want to go in and help organize her life to make it easier for her in her world. I want to help that busy family who can't stay on top of things, because they don't know where its supposed to go. i want to help THAT family. THAT family was my family. Living in chaos causes stress. Stress is bad for the body. I want to help people.

3) I LOVE clipping coupons. LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! I like taking that 10 extra minutes to clip coupons to save that money. Seeing that total at the end of the check out go lower, and lower, and lower is such a high.

4) I love to work out. I love going to the gym. my love for the gym and working out and that euphoric high I get from working out has caused 2 of my overly obese family members to join the gym too. I'm so so excited and happy for them.

5) When B's out of town, i can't sleep with out the TV on. CAN.NOT.SLEEP.

6) When I'm out of town, I sleep with the TV on, and the Fan on. no matter what the temp. i have to have the fan on.

7) I'm engrossed with TRASH TV. 16 & Pregnant, Tool Academy, Biggest Loser, Bad Girls Club... yep, i love them all

8) I have a little problem with blogs. I love them! I am currently following 232 blogs. i can't imagine 'unfollowing' any of them.

9) I also love to bake! cakes, cookies, breads, etc. but my favorite is by far cupcakes. I love cupcakes. I love to think about new ideas for cupcakes, new things to do for people with cupcakes. I love cupcakes. love love love.

10) I am so in love with my husband. Its sad how much I'm in love with him. We don't show our love like most mushy-gushy couples. but its sick how much i love that man.

And now I nominate:

D @ Growing up Graham

Rachi @ From the mind of a mom

Dance @ Into the Womb

GC @ After Jillian

Wonderful woman with wonderful blogs

My work is a Soap Opera (part I)

Have no fear if your favorite soap is being canceled. you can just come to work with me and you'll be set

So lets introduce the characters

SH - Manager of department L
TR - 2ND in command of department L
TR's Minions - her followers
SH-B - SH's Beau

So SH's Beau is kind of a 'bad boy' he had been avoiding the law and his punishment before i left for Iraq. When I came home i found out he was in jail. He kept getting in trouble so he kept getting his sentence lengthened (or whatever you call it)

well when he finally got released SH decided to take 2 days off to go pick him up, and run around town doing what ever it was that he needs to do after being released. SH has worked here since she was 17 and this is her first and only job she's ever had. She gives her heart and soul to her job. This is the first time she's asked for days off in 5 years. She normally cashes in her vacation. and works year round. Often coming in on holidays to solve this problem or that.

Well, TR & her minions didn't like the fact that SH was getting time off. They don't like her because SH's salary screws up their budget profit. Ever since TR has been invited to the budget meetings and other meetings she's become increasingly hostile to SH because of how much she makes. TR even made a scene screaming at SH saying "if i made what you made I'd be here all the time." and "you make XYZ, you should be here early and stay late" that's right ladies, she announced to everyone with in ear shot what SH makes. It was wildly inaccurate amount, but still.

So TR & her minions decided its time to screw SH out of her 2 days off. So you what do you think they did?

They pretended that minion numero uno had SWINE FLU! so that SH would have to cover numero uno's shifts.

WHO DOES THAT?

well. Big Daddy Boss Man (or Big daddy for short) asked for documentation, and POOF numero uno was all of a sudden fine and dandy.

I work in the front office, but i work for a different section of the parent company. My boss and i have NOTHING to do with department L, other than having their filing in our office.

While SH was on her 2 day vacation numero uno decides to demand to know where her paperwork is from my boss. um... what?

So my boss just looks her square in the eye, and tells her she's not talking to a minion and that she has nothing to do with their paperwork, and walks away.

I tell SH i do not envy her and I'm not sure how she even works with those people.

the only problem is Big daddy thinks the sun shines and sets out of TR's ass, and she's just the cutest thing since baby kittens. ::gags::

Like sands through the hour glass.
These are the days of our lives.

That one of my old friends is friends with my ex... Again. She had introduced me to said ex. they were friends before we became friends

Me and said ex had a very passionate and volatile relationship.

This ex royally fucked up both my relationship with brain and her relationship with her husband.

It fucked up her relationship so bad that they called off their engagement and broke up for several months.

I don't talk to her much anymore. But I got bored and looked her up on face book. And there he was.

.... Why does this bug me so much?

It makes my decision to cut ties with her more solid. I’ve been wishy washy about it for a while.

Me and brain got drunk one day and he told me he didn't like her because she had a part in the bad period in our relationship in the beginning.

And I understood that so I didn't ask him to do 'couple' things anymore with them. And just slowly we grew apart.

Now this.

I feel betrayed.
But I don't think I have a right to feel that way.

stupid facebook.
i was perfectly okay thinking he no longer existed.

Leave It To Me...

So... I have an infected eye!

WTF! who gets an infected eye?!? oh yah.. ME!

okay so this is really really embaresing, but i figure what the hell, i'll share. I got a toenail in my eye.

I came home from drill and was clipping my nails. and poof. one in the eye.

I got it out right away, well i woke up monday and my eye was all sore. on tuesday i went to the doctor and got antibiotic eye drops. and it still hurts

So friday i have an eye doctor appointment.

Dude, it freaking hurts to blink!
TO BLINK!
you never realize how much you mother effing blink untill it hurts. GAH!

and the worst part is B's O.O.T till at least friday. and its looking like saturday.
I hate it.

leave it to me to do something this lame.

Lets Bring It Down For a Moment

So I have come to a Conclussion...


Cancer is the great equalizer.

It doesn't matter your age, race, back ground, what you did in your past, who you are. Cancer is the greatest equalizer i know of.

I just found out one of the most amazing men in my life has end stage lung cancer. My Great Uncle Ken. I am tearing up as i type this. I love him. He so does not deerve this.

Don't get me wrong. I love my parents. BUT my Uncle Ken and my Aunt Henrieta are what i want to model my marriage after. They have been married for almost 60 years. And they are more in love than anyone i've ever seen.

My Uncle is a good man. He doesn't deserve the end of cancer. I feel so useless. So helpless. I hate it.

I hope he knows how much i love him and how much him and my aunt mean to me! I understand that there's a grand scheme of things, but this... this... this just doesn't make since.


So i'm going to post a bunch of pictures. But i want to give the background first.
When me and B got married my aunt had fallen and broken her hip. We weren't sure if they were going to make it. So I went thru getting ready, the ceremony and everything thinking that they were with me in heart, but not in body. then:

I see them in line!

And I cry Happy Tears that they are there.


And he tells me how happy he is for me and how much he loves me.

And We hug!!

And B. Like the loving husband he is, trys to understand. Lol.

My uncle Ken Is AMAZING!!

This is Me and my Aunt Hank at their 50th Wedding Anniversary when i was in High School. She's Full Eskimo and I Love her more than sunshine. She's an Amazing Light for the world to see.

Update on me...

So I'm still chugging along at work (aka the job from hell or TJFH). Every time it seems to get a little better, it gets 20x worse.

I'm still doing FL (fearless leaders) piddly little jobs. She's basically made me her bitch, and I've done nothing to stop it. why you may ask? because i need the moola. so at TJFH i offered to bring my lap top in to redo our customer lists with the newer version of excel that i have on my lap top to make it a lot easier. oh, that lasted about 1 day.

i brought in my lap top yesterday and worked on it for a while and did more in that short time, then i did that whole week (this is Thursday). Then today i come into work and I'm told... no ordered to work on the work computer and delete the customer list from my hard drive. Like I'm going to cell the work's customer list. wow! who would i sell a list of apartment complexes and management company's too? WTF?

Then i find out that FL is going to be "cross training" me into my old job duties. Yep, she's going to be training me to do the job that i did before i left, and the job i trained her to do. who the mother loving fuck does this bitch think she is.

ohhhhhhhhhh oh oh!!!!!!!!!!!! last friday she told me that i'm only allowed to go to the bathroom on breaks, and asks me if there's a medical need to go to the bathroom as much as i do? wtf? i drink water bitch. i work out, i drink water. wtf?!? i drink water i pee. oh then i'm told i'm not allowed to have my cell phone in my pocket, it MUST be in my purse. so not only can i not pee when i need to. I can't have my personal items on my person. who is this person? gah!

I've talked to the military about this job. I've talked to the Lt. Col. in public relations who's been my number one contact about the whole situation. And i've emailed her back and forth and she's got my back 110%. she knows what i'm doing is correct and what they're doing is so beyond wrong. She even called them to let them know what there doing is not only wrong its illegal, and what did they do? THEY ARGUED WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they argued with her about military and civilian law. and so the employment manager at my job just gets all huffy and demands "well, why don't you just tell us what we're doing wrong." she states, "I just want you to give her what she's earned and the law allows her to get. Educate yourself in what she's allowed by law".

god i hate that place. i'll be so happy to be rid of it as soon as the opportunity presents it self.

I never thought it would be this hard....

So i deffinatley think i went back to work to early. I thought about it today. i'm still technically on leave. i'm not even sure what to write at this point.

I called my mom today (who's still in arizona taking care of grandma) in tears. she really is my best friend and i wish she was here. i know she does better there righ tnow. and grandma needs her more. but i really need my mom.

i just can't take it.

i'm so annoyed. i'm so frustrated. just thinking about it and typing about it is putting me in tears.

i never thought going back to work would be this hard. I hate how weak and emotional i feel.

i can't quit.
i can't change it.
i can't look for a new job.

i'm just stuck.
fuck.