I Miss My Husband

ugh.

I do okay most of the time. I keep myself busy and distracted. but there is normally one day during each trip that i just get "home sick" that sounds weird since i'm the one home, but its the best way i can describe it.

I miss him, but its more then that. Its just the security. Its the comfort. Its the..... its everything.

We are separated, we move, we pass each other on trips....
he's my home.

.... le sigh.

He gets home Saturday. I leave sometime monday (the trip has been on and off more times than I can count. So I just plan on leaving until they tell me not to).

Today I cleaned the kitchen, did 2 loads of dishes, sanitized the counter tops, swept, swiffered, tomorrow i'll mop, did 3 loads of laundry, folded and put away 3 loads of laundry, dusted the wine wrack and dry bar, re loaded the beer fridge, picked up the bedroom and living rooms, tomorrow i'm going to vacuum and dust. The last time he was gone (about oh.... a week ago) I scrubbed the shit out of the bathrooms and showers.


I'm running out of shit to clean.... I clean when i get anxious.

I started my period today to boot.

There's no point to this.... I just had to whine for a bit.
 

Another Battle

So, In the wake of the never ending traveling gunk I've been battling for over a week now I've allowed myself to become dehydrated.

For most people it isn't so bad when you get dehydrated. you get some minor symptoms and some minor discomfort, then you drink some water and you're right as rain.

Me, not so much. When I allow myself to get dehydrated, my brain turns into the pain center.
My major trigger (from what i can figure) is dehydration.

It starts slow. I get groggy and sluggish. I get really tired and sometimes I'll sleep all day. Then somewhere in this fog the pain starts. It will either start slowly and build up like the psycho background music in some slasher film. or it just jumps up and whacks you like a 2x4 to the side of the skull.

So now i'm in bed, I've been here since 630. After my lovely conversation with my husband who can only contact me once a day, I decided that it would be good to lay down. Ice pack on the back of my neck & one on the top of my head.

My medications make me sketchy. I feel sketchy and anxiety ridden. Like i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I need to go to bed......

The summer of crazy

So this summer is already starting ot look like its going to be insane. Between my schedule, B's schedule, leave, pending deployment, etc.  we'll be lucky to make it though with only slight mental damage. 

get this:

May 9th - 2 Finals

May 10th -1 Final 

May 11th - 1 Final

May  14th - 2 Finals

May 16th @ 0800 graduation practice

May 16th @ 0820 parents arrive (little brother will be here around this time)

May 16th @ 1700 graduation

May 17th - Parents leave

May --  - B leaves

May 25th  -  I leave

May -- @ some point  - B comes home

** B goes back on nights at work

May 28th - I come home

June 2/3 - Drill

June --  B leaves

June --  B comes home

June 30th - anniversary

July 6-8th drill

July -- - B's birthday

July 16-19 - On leave - probably camping

July 29th I leave

August 3rd I come home

Aug 4/5 Drill

Aug 7-16 - On leave - Probably camping up back home.

September/October 2012  -- B is deployed

 ugh. My anxiety is out of control about all of this.

2011 The Year Of The ER Visit

    I  was talking today on Facebook to my friend. He asked what I was doing. To which i replied, "blogging. sort of". Of course this prompted the response: "sort of?". So I explained, when I say I'm going to blog it takes, 30 minutes to actually type out what I want to say, and 2-3 hours of doing everything but blogging to build up the courage to actually blog.

So, here I am, laying in bed with approximately an hour left on my laptop battery, still at a loss on how to start this blog post. Yet, it seems by not 'starting' I have already gotten it started. talk about a mind fuck. haha

I titled this blog post "2011 The Year Of The ER Visit", because that's really how I feel about the year.

January - May are a blur. Its hard for me to put into words exactly how hard these 5 months were for me.

My headaches/migraine journey started in January 2011. I've always had headaches. My mother and grandma get them, so I always thought of them as hereditary. When I got them before I could take a couple Excedrin, take a nap, and I would be good to go. These new headaches were so different. This was a new pain I had never felt before. This pain was all encompassing. It takes over your body like a climbing vine takes over a brick wall.

I can remember in early Jan during one of my first battles with the pain, I was sitting on the floor of my husbands office. I can't tell you why I was in the room, just that I wanted to be near him. I was sitting on the floor, with my back against the wall, with my head on my knees, I was in so much pain. I couldn't eat, because chewing was to painful. I couldn't drink because the sound of swallowing was to much. Not to mention the constant nausea that was created by the pain.

It was very weird when they first started. Because I didn't know (and still don't know) what causes them. Sometimes the migraines didn't follow the same 'path' per-say. When the first started I felt so useless. I didn't have the medication to stop them, I couldn't function with them, and I felt like no one understood just how bad they really were. I felt like no one would take me seriously and understand just how badly I hurt.

The pain was different. Most of the time the pain starts at my right temple and spreads from there. Its like a forest fire, it just spreads until it has consumed everything in its path. It spreads across the top of my head, down behind my eyes, across my jaw and down my body. Other times it starts behind my eye balls and feels like someone is constantly pushing on the back of my eye ball, and the pain spreads from there. Sometimes I can feel the pain creeping, or feel it sort of starting, and then I can catch it with a pill and stop it before it even starts.

Other times, i'm not so lucky. These are the worst. The 'other' is when it feels like someone took a 2x4 to the side of my head and the migraine hits me out of no where. Its like some set weights on both shoulders and on the top of my head. The constant pressure and pain takes the wind right out of your sails. These are the worst of the worst.

Between January - May, I was in the ER 5 times. I was in the ER 2times in Jan and 1 time in Feb, Mar, and May. These months were such a blur of pain, needles, pills, doctors, ER visits, ice packs, and more pain. I had my blood drawn every 6 weeks, (and still do) because they found my thyroid was "significantly under active". I was bounced from doctor to doctor. Every time I called to make an appointment, I was assigned to a new doctor. I lost track of how many doctors I have seen after the 12th new face.

This is me during the sleep study

I finally got to see the doctor who was my "assigned" primary care physician. He prescribed several medications and several tests.

I went in and had a sleep study conducted. They found I had a slight snore, but that was it. No sleep apnea, no weird findings.

I had an MRI done. Again no findings nothing wrong.

I completed food journal after food journal after food journal. Its to the point now that I just write down everything I ate, did, didn't do, took, drank, etc in a journal before I go to bed. Because I know its just a matter of time before I get assigned another doctor and they make me start all over again.

During this constant battle with the pain and trying to keep that under control, I was also back in school. So September I moved 600 miles away from my family, was re-united with my husband, had to find a place to live, started school again, and was fighting a constant battle with my head. To say I was stressed was an understatement. I thank god for the classes I had during this battle. I broke down on my last day of my Materials & Techniques class. I told them that if it wasn't for them and their unquestioning support during this hard time, I wouldn't have passed. And it was so true. I struggled so hard to stay afloat during that term.

During spring term '11 I was either in debilitating pain, or fairly drugged up and between those 2 options it made school work/going to school a lot harder for me. I was seeing so many doctors and having my medication tweaked each time. I now take more pills than my 87 year old grandmother. Its slightly insane the amount of medication I take.

 

These are the medications that I take. I'm currently trying to get off of some of them. But at this point I need all of them. 

I take:

Maxalt ( or 'before' I get a headache)

Ultram (for 'after' the headache starts)

Synthroid (for my thyroid)

Percocets (for when the ultram doesn't work) 

Phenogren (anti-nausea pill)

Periactin (at night its half for allergies and half for migraines)

Nasonex (nose spray for allergies) 

and of course my birth control. 

So in 1 day I can take up to 7 different pills. This is more than slightly insane.

So now you know most of the back story about my migraine battle. I'll try and go into more depth about what the doctors have said, what I am doing, and what I have tried. 

It has been a long year. Its hard to talk about all the details of the year because the details are so blurry. The dates and times are all blurred in a drugged up pain ridden mess in my head. 

Its amazing how many people have reached out to me through out this last year to me. I want to reach out to anyone else who had had headaches, migraines, tension headaches, sinus headaches, etc. I want you all to know, I know how it feels and I am here for you.

What an interesting night

Normally when i start a conversation, post, or blog with a title like that it involves loads of liquor and drunken events of stupidity.

But not this time.

So lets preface this story with the back ground of the day.
B worked until 645/700 pm (score for being back on days), i had put dinner in the crock pot and left for class around 415. So by the time i got home from school he was already in bed because he had to work again today. He left the house at 545 this morning (ew).
So i stayed up for about an hour just watching TV, decompressing, had a small dinner, and a beer, then went to bed about 10ish.

I layed down and snuggled in with my corner of the blanket. B had bogarted the rest of the KING size blanket. I know he doesn't sleep in 1 position so i waited up until i knew that he shifted and stole enough blanket back to just about cover me and settled in to go to sleep.

WRONG!

The noises started around 1100pm, but didn't really intensify till 1150.
It sounded in my mind like a loud female. i couldn't tell if she was screaming or what. but it was loud enough that i could hear it through the walls with no windows open. but it didn't sound loud enough for it to be right next door. it sounded a house away or on the back side of the block.

It settled down for a bit and I just about drifted off to sleep when BAM B wakes straight the fuck up. he goes out into the living rooms to 'investigate' and i hear the sound again. This is roughly 12:25am.

It woke me up again at 1:15, 2:45, and then i was finally able to get to sleep. that is until B left for work at 5:45.

It was just strange.

I had convinced my self that it was someone being murdered. so i made sure to pay attention to the times. but then i also realized that i sounded batshitcrazy to anyone normal so i did NOT call the cops.

But again it sounded seriously female and seriously crazed.

First phone post

So this is new to me on so many levels. First I am new to this whole 'smart phone' thing, second I'm in a new state of mind. Third, I'm an insomniac posting from my bed when I should be sleeping.

So my fine friends, shall we catch up??

Lets start with school. Wednesday was my last day of spring term and my last day of my first term here I Cali. What a b* of a term it was!!! So in Oregon the school terms are way shorter, think a 2:1 ratio for 'spring' terms. I took 20 credits this term: 1) history & English class 8cr. 2) interior design - materials & techniques 4cr. 3) math - Intro to algebra 4cr. 4) health online course 4cr.

To say it was an intense term is putting it mildly. But I honestly didn't really feel the weight of if until roughly the last 3 weeks. That's when I started to feel like EVERYTHING was due at the exact same time. But to be honest I really enjoyed the term. I learned a lot, not only in the classes but about Cali schools and about the people too.

I have a 10 day break, then summer term starts. I transferred schools due to budget cuts in the Interior design major at the first school. Which stinks because I really enjoyed the girls in that class. But I cant wait around for the classes I need.

My health - I decided to do this topic next because it directly effects my military career and my weight loss goals.
So I'm not sure how much I posted about this before but since about the first of the year I have been battling debilitating migraines. Ive been in the ER 4 times im 5 months, seen 4 different doctors, and have been on countless meds. Its been a rough go of things to say the least. So I finally got a GREAT doc and nurse and things have been looking up. They found out I have a significantly under active thyroid, so I am on daily pills for that. I had a sleep study done, I go in on the 1st for those results. That was an interesting experience. I literally had a pony tail of wires on me head!! I really hope I don't have to do that again, but it is a possibility.

I'm currently on:
1) birth control pills (low hormone)
2) thyroid pill
3) sinus/migraine pill
4) migraine pain pill
5) daily sinus spray

I think I'm missing something, but you get the idea. I know it seems like a lot, but it seems to be working. I've only been to the ER once on this mix of pills, lol. OH!!!! I forgot to tell you I get to sleep with that sexxxy nose strip breathe right thingy, its pretty badass!!!

Military- so I try my best to do my best at whatever I do. But in my military life, I seem to have something that always kept people from seeing my full potential... Until now! This unit has afforded me the opportunity to prove myself and shine!

Ive been able to start a new training program. Ive taken on a lot of responsibility as the booster club prez. Ive started trying to get additional training done for people in need of it, not just in my section.

We had a BIG inspection last month and my troops did outstanding, our section didn't get a single bad note! I'm so proud of them.

Now... If I could only pass my PT test, I would be golden. Its the one stinking pile of shit in my meadow of flowers. As soon as I pass the test, I'll be able to do so so so much more. It will be the last obstacle in my path towards WORLD DOMINATION... BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

Speaking of my fitness, on to my weight loss goal...
Now that I can post from my phone, I think I'll be able to update that blog more.

I was seeing a personal trainer, but she kept canceling appointments, and eventually quit on me. I had seen another trainer in the gym, and after one of my canceled appointments I stopped her and asked if she had any openings. Thank goodness she did. She's amazing. I call her my tiny nazi! I mean it in the best way. Shes so motivating and tough at the same time. She has a track record of passing scores. So I really don't want to break that record.

I have SO much riding on this test, I have to pass, their is no other option.

Well..... That about wraps it up. Ill try and post Mor often. It will be easier now that I have this option.

Later gaters.

Talked to my husband

About whats been really bugging me.

I told him that I'm really struggling with being so far away from my family and my friends. and that I'm not sad that I stopped being friends with the two girls here, but its just difficult.

I told him that I get that he needs to get out of the house. and so it doesn't bother me that he goes to the gym to play basketball with the guys. but that leaves me home for another 2 hours alone.

He said, why don't you go home for spring break. and to be honest. for a weekend it would be great. but I don't want to be gone all week.

He asked about the girl I talk about in my math class. I told him that she seems down to earth. we've just become FB friends. lol. He told me to set up a "girl date"! haha.

I cried. but he was really understanding.

I had to tell him that my school is different then my school. He went to class with the same people for several classes.

I go to 3 different classes and see 60 different faces. i'm lucky if i make a connection with 1 person.

He said that hopefully when I transfer schools it will be a bit more structured so I can make a little more connections between people.

I'm hoping to get out of the house together maybe go hiking for a couple hours or something like that.

I'm still not 100% mentally, but I feel loads better getting it off my chest.
I've been super clingy lately and today he got really annoyed at me (to be honest if the tables were reversed, i would be too). so i just told him how i was feeling.

Its been rough

first its p-week so i'm overly emotional as it is. So the things that got me so upset seem kind of minor, but when added all up it was just more than I could handle.

I called my mom last night and just cried.
It just hit me how hard it is to be so far away from home and have no friends.

The whole school situation is hard. And I think that I don't get to see B much now, whats going to happen when my school is over an hour away?

I feel like I don't really get to spend time with him because he's on nights, and when we are home together. I spend a lot of time in my office doing my homework. I have to stay on top of it because if i take a day off I just drown in it.

We try and stay on top of the chorese, he's been trying to help. but it just got over whelming.

The landlord is a dirt bag and I just want to get out of this place. but we still have about 6 months on the lease.

My head aches are out of control. I have one about every 3 days now.

My headache meds don't help my sleeping. They make me drowsy, but won't actually let me get sleep. so the first 2 hours i'm actually asleep Its that awkward half sleep where you have wicked vivid weird dreams.

I'm still struggling with my re-enlistment bonus. I still don't have the last payment from my first bonus.

I had to call my old state DMV again because they never got me the documents to get my license renewed from here. I do NOT want a drivers license in this state.

I had to call the VA because my school still hasn't been paid off. but they show that its been paid, so now i have to go to my school and figure out why they haven't posted it.

I'm just spent.
I'm tired
I'm sore
I'm over it.
I just want my mommy

Memory Lane

So I'm sitting here taking off the insignia from my old uniform, so that we can donate them. And I can't help but think about the last time I word this uniform. This is 2 ranks and 5 years ago. Its crazy to think about how different my life is right now.

The last time I wore this uniform It was winter 2005. I had just come home from basic training and was "full of piss and vinegar" like my grandma likes to say. I was in love with the military and everything about it. I wanted to go faster, do more, and do it better. I also had NO idea about the world and how to conduct myself in it.

The last time I wore this uniform, I was a young young 19 year old girl. I say girl, because thats what I was. I had recently broken off an engagement, which come to find out was the best decision I'd made thus far in my life (second only to joining the military). I was now dating some loser that I met through some friends who wanted to do nothing more than play halo and smoke weed with his friends. I of course was doe-y eyed in love with him and sat behind him while he played his games, and stood down wind when they were smoking.


The last time I wore this uniform I was on my way to what I would consider the turning point in my young life. I was on my way to spend 7 months in California on orders (coincidentally the same base I'm at now). This was the first time I would branch out on my own. I was getting paid more than I had ever made before... not a hard thing to top mind you. I was in a hotel by myself with MAID service. And all I had to do was show up 4 days a week, work 12 hours, and then I was free.

The last time I wore this uniform:
I was single,
I was young,
I was wild wild wild,
I was emotional,
I was careless,
I was neurotic,
I was chaotic,
I was in love with love,
I was in lust with anyone who lusted after me,
I was in like with all male figures,
I had my first taste of alcohol,
I had my first hang over,
I had my first drunk dialing experience, which BTW was to my mom who told me to eat a loaf of bread to sober up
I had my first pregnancy scare
I had a reputation for my crazy and wild behavior
I was so prone to anxiety
I had huge ideals for the world
I was silly
I was fun
I would spend money like it was going out of style
I was so skinny
I was soooooooooooo many things both good and bad

I'm glad I took the time to sit back and remember these memories. I'm glad they're in the past but i regret none of them. The person who was in this uniform made me who I am today. With out that crazy girl, I wouldn't be the woman I am today.

And while 19 to 24 to some people doesn't seem like that big of a gap.... man oh man does it feel like it.

Long Time No Post

So the big moved got pushed up.

I'm currently sitting in California!!!!!!

We not only got out moved pushed up over a week. but they did a pack AND move in 1 day (14 hours mind you!)

It was a chaotic hecktic week to say the least.

30th - monday- got back from family vacation. I spent time with my little brother and mom at my aunts lake house. My dad was in southern california officiating a wedding for my cousin.

31st - Tuesday - Architectural Graphics final presentation

1st - Wednesday - Packers come. find out today that they're packing and moving TODAY. In one day (instead of three days). Made a bunch of phone calls, changed reservations, called relatives and informed everyone about the change in dates and moved my drive from saturday to friday.

2nd - Thursday - finished all the last minute stuff. emailed my final project to my teacher for Computer Drafting class. hung out with BFF A and awesome godson Dom. Treated B's awesome dad to lunch and he helped me pick out a GPS system.

3rd - Friday - Left for cali - I meant to leave at 7 am. I went to my parents house to say goodbye one last time and then when I went to drive off, my mom saw a fresh spill of oil and told me to come back. Come to find out, when i had my car serviced (on tuesday btw) they cracked the o-ring on my oil filter. I went to the shop and sat there. they opened at 8am. one of the guys showed up at 7:20 to open. He asked how I was doing, and I told him what was going on. He said he'd open it up right quick, clear out a bay, and get me in. I was in the shop and out in less than 10 min. In the mean time my mom brought me starbucks and breakfast (lord love her). I was on the road by 8am and on the freeway by 830.

At the half way mark I stopped at a rest stop to let sammy out of the car to stretch, pee, etc. and..... I locked my keys in my car. I called our insurance people and wouldn't you know it, we had emergency roadside assistance. I didn't know that. The insurance guy had to call a sister agency down where I was, and get a recommendation on a shop to come help me. The guy showed up in 20 min and I was on the road in less than 45 min. I made it down here by 5:45. I got checked into our room and was crashed out at 9:30. it was a long day. driving for 10 hours takes a lot out of you.

4th - Saturday - I picked up my AWESOME husband at the airport!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after 5 months apart he was a sight for sore eyes. It was an amazing feeling. It was the first time I had been the one waiting at the Airport. Normally, I'm the one on the plane. I didn't realize I would be that nervous. I was texting a fellow military wife, she told me it was normal. Weird feeling though.

but I'm here, we're here. We're safe and sound.

I'll post more later. but i'll let you all digest the week i just had. I know i need to digest it too.

And if one door opens to another door closed

I hope you keep on walkin' til you find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

_______________________________________________

I was talking to an old friend today who's boyfriend is currently deployed.

And we were talking about how we haven't hung out in years and the fact that we need to reconnect.

I said to her "Sometimes life guides paths together". I just really think this statement is so true for me lately

And lately I've really found that god was looking down on me and saw I was in need of a friend who just 'got it' and blessed me with my new friend/old acquaintance J.

So here's a little back ground:

J and I went to Middle School and High School together (graduated the same year). We had the same friends, and often were at the same events together (dances, games, etc.). Even though we knew each other we weren't "friends". We were acquaintances. I didn't dislike her for any reason, but there just never came a time where our life paths met at a time for us to talk.

So fast forward several years....

B and I stop by a local bar to drop of his friend. J and her Husband JT were there. B and JT went to high school together and graduated the same year too. So we're talking and BS'ing and exchange numbers. We text a little bit, but nothing ever comes of it.

Fast forward another couple years...

We've been Facebook friends for this whole time and just never really talked. One day I see she posted that she needs some adult interaction. J and JT have a 4 year old Em. JT is gearing up to deploy here in the near future, so J quit her no good job to spend time with him. So we arrange an 'adult day'. We didn't do anything but hang out on her patio, but we just clicked.

I honestly feel that god guided our life paths together right at the right time. I mean, of course he did. Everyone (even the most devout believer) has a moment in their life where they question where God is leading them. This just feels right.

Its good to have a friend who was in the military (medically discharged), who's married to the military (JT's about to set out on his second tour), and someone who just 'gets it'.

I can look at her and just stick out my lip, and all that she says is "I know Hun!"

As JT's D-Day (deployment day) creeps up closer and closer she's more and more emotional. and it just feels good to be here for her. She texted me tonight and said she was sorry in advance for not being a 'very good friend' in the near future because she's going to spend time with JT.

I told her do NOT worry about it. I'll be there for her and we'll hang once JT can't anymore. And

I told her a while ago that I fully plan on being there for her when he's gone. I'll cook her food, make sure she eats, and take care of EM until she can.

I'm blessed.

I went through some rough times when B left. Took me a while to get my mind right.

I feel that now that I'm mentally healthy and squared away, god has blessed me with a good friend to keep me that way.

I've always been a firm believer that you can't be good in any relationship that has love (friends, family, marriages) until you are good and love yourself first.

God waited till the perfect time to bring my path and J's path together.

I don't know what I would do with out her right now.

hahahaha. its been less than a month since we've become so close and if we go more than 24 hours, we tell each other we're going through withdrawls. hahahaha. I went over to her house today for just an hour or so. That way we could get our 'fix'. we're a little to perfect for each other, its kind of scary.

Friday Fill-Ins

Time For Friday Fill Ins

1. We need more time together and less time with others!

2. B was excited when i came home and it made me smile.

3. If you want you can let little things get to you!

4. I love him because he makes me happy!

5. Massachusetts has a proposed 5% sales tax on elective cosmetic surgery; I think If you can afford cosmetic surgery, you can afford the 5% tax.

6.Snuggly time on the couch makes for a happy holiday.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to Coaching tomorrow my plans include chilling out and Sunday, I want to Get in a good work out.

::smacks hands:: BAD BLOGGER!

I've been a bad bad blogger.
but here are my excuses
1) i've been dealing with a lot of personal problems. Ones i need to get off my chest but can't ever get more than a few seconds of alone time to do so.
2) we went on vacation. to sum it up in 2 words: beautiful disaster or Never Again.
3) i've been a busy busy beaver.
4) i'm just so tired.

i promise i will post more, but at the moment i need to make my coffee, check my email, and scoot off to work for the first time since last thursday.

Happy Veterans Day

Have you hugged a Vet Today?

Lets do a family run down:
Grandfathers (both mom's dad & dads' Dad)
My Father
Uncle
Aunt
2 Cousins
Me
My husband
And countless friends that touch my life.

Thank you to all of them.

Wordle

I've been wanting one of these for a very long time, i hope it fits!



This feels very fitting and appropriate!
Love you all ♥

Ask Rotty

Good Afternoon lover's,
I recently received a comment from one of my readers (who is awesome by the way). Frugal Mom asked me 'what is it'? No she wasn't asking me what i had between my toes, or stuck in my teeth. She was asking me what is it that makes me want to be in the military.

My first thought was that she was being snarky. Then i re-read the comment and realized at that moment that some people have no experience or very limited experience with the military.

I thought this would be an interesting blog topic. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not freaking GI BARBIE. What i am is a part time civilian, who's all military at heart
I'm an E-5 in the USAFR
I'm a reservist. I serve 1 weekend a month & 2 weeks a year at minimum. I often spend at least double that if not triple that serving.
I am a 3rd generation military member
And I'm so dedicated and in love with the military life its not even funny.

So I open the floors up to questions.
What have you wanted to ask? do you have any questions? Do you think its silly?
I may not have all the answers, but i can point you in the right direction for the information your seeking.

I've seen these done on other blogs, but never figured i was interesting enough to have anything you'd want to ask me. I'm kind of excited for the questions.

So ask away loves.
The floor is yours.

Friend Making Monday

On a tuesday. I'm running a bit late on this one (as always) but i'm at least I'm finding time to post. Even if its 4:50 in the morning.

This week is What Makes You Happy? We're breaking it down for the small things in life.

♥My Amazing husband. He is my missing piece and i love him with everything i am
♥ Our long haired weenie-dog Sammy. He's our baby for now!!
♥Extreme Home Makeover - Fills my need for design and my need for drama. Love love love!
♥Starbucks Iced Tea!! I'm a wee bit obsessed with it.
♥ My little brothers. lol, p.s. this pictures is from high school. My little brother is on the left, i'm in the center, and my brothers best friend (my brother by association) is on the right.

♥ Reading good books under a comfy blanket
♥Chilling out on the couch after a long week with my love.
♥ Good Oregon Storms.
♥ Spending time with these 2 crazy kids
♥ And my Godson. He's pretty much the light of my life. So amazingly great!!

What makes you happy!?

Home sick

I promised I've sanitized my blog before posting. so you can proceed.

So yesterday i woke up not feeling that great. just all around icky. So i go to work as normal. around 1pm i get seriously sick. So i wrap up my duties, and get the okay to go home.

I come home from work and B says to me: "its weird you're sick. we haven't been hanging around anyone who's sick." i look at him, blink a couple times and reply, "there's this little thing called work, there are these people there that i see almost daily. these people have things called germs. those are the people that come to work sick, and got me sick."
silly husband.

but I'll be updating my blog a lot today hopefully. that is between my drug induced self coma's on the couch. i need to make some coffee, the thought of something warm to drink is awfully inviting at the moment.

Sad & Confused

So yesterday was meant to be a great happy day but i got kind of sad news.

My grandmothers husband passed away that morning.

i may go to hell for saying this but... I'm not sad he passed. I am however sad for my grandma. She loved him and for that i grieve because she's grieving.

My grandmothers husband was not a kind or nice person. I did not like him. I know i shouldn't speak ill of the dead (or what ever that saying is) but its true. my grandmother is devastated. and i'm so worried about how she's going to fair with this new blow.

My grandmother has buried 3 husbands now. my mom's dad died when she was 18. him and grandma were divorced and she had already been remarried, but they stayed friends. then when i was in 7th grade her 2nd husband, and the man i considered to be my grandpa died. He had a rough ending of life, and i was both sad and happy that he had passed. sad because i loved him, but happy that he was no longer in pain. G (her 3rd husband) moved in on my grandmother soon after my grandpa's passing. which put a bad taste in my mouth to begin with.

but i won't go into the past i've had with that man. but we'll just leave it at he wasn't my favorite.

i've never had someone die in my life and not been sad to see them go. its a seriously weird feeling. and i feel so much guilt for not being sad. I don't know exactly how to put it into words. I just feel confused.

I got a call early this morning. my parents caught a red eye flight out of P-town down to Arizona to be with my grandma. I wish i could be there for her. but i know right now all she really needs is my mom. She's going to be well taken care of. if we could convince her to move up here, we would but she doesn't do winter. Thus, she's flown south for good.

My mother, me, and my grandma on my wedding day.

I hope to be as strong and self assured as my grandma when i'm her age.

hell... i just hope to make it to her age with half her wit.

My Visit To My Job

I say visit, because i was there for less than 1 hour. I basically went in to check in and say "hi, i'm alive!"
okay a back story. In my civilian job i do invoicing for a small off shoot window coverings company. its a branch off of a family run dry cleaners which has 4 sections: cleaners, restoration, door to door, and window coverings.

in my office there are only 2 of us. We worked well together. I liked my work. It was simple, not to complicated as far as customers go. I liked our customers, some of them i even told i was being deployed and they were SO supportive. But now that i'm back i do not look forward to going back. I guess because it is so 'simple' i don't think i'll be happy there. I'm used to my fast paced life of my deployment and i doubt i'll be happy there any longer.

anyways I got off track.

So i go in and everyone seems tentative and uneasy. i'm not sure why. but this place has a way with the dramatics, so its not uncommon.
I say hi to everyone. Go in the back to see the boss (who's in a mood of hell). He sends me to see K. so i go across the street to see him. We chat for a bit. i tell him i can come back to work on the 15th. He says "that should be enough time". What its enough time for, I'm not sure. But then he tells me that they want to keep all 3 of us (me, my co-worker, and my temp) in the office for a while then "see how things go". WHAT?!

So the next day i email my coworker. and ask her how things are going. She tells me that my Temp ( we'll call her A) doesn't want to leave. That they're thinking of making her our supervisor. WHAT? okay let me say this. I took over the job when C moved to Texas. C got the job because A cussed out a customer and they fired her. Yes, they want to make someone they've fired from my job, my supervisor! ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT!?

So needless to say I'm NOT looking forward to the awkward mess i have coming for me!

On a side note: B's applying for a job in a smaller town about an hour from where we currently live. If he gets this job, i can and have to quit my job.

he's all ready turned in his application

They select on the 19th

and interview starting the 22nd.

So hopefully i won't have to work there much longer.

i haven't even started back and I'm already praying for the day i can quit.

the only down side to this is my school will now be 1 hour 45 min - 2 hour drive. Not looking forward to that. but I'll do what i have to. I'm just looking forward to not having to work there. maybe I'll get a weekend job working at an office or something. We shall see. but for now just cross your fingers i don't have to work there any longer than i absolutely have too.