Monday, November 26, 2007 0 comments

Back to work & Back to school

So i skipped both my classes today, and slept instead. Even though i only slept an hour, it seem to have helped!

I am not so satisfied with the doctor. He seems to be listening to what i am saying but not hearing it. I just want to feel like i'm heard. He did give me ear drops! those have helped relieve some of the pain!

Tomorrow i go back to my regular work schedule. I look forward to it. i love where i work, i love who i work with, and i love what i do. I am just a lowly work study but the people i work with make it so much fun!

gee... thanks

So after a loooong night last night and not so much sleep... my husband told me to call the doctor.

so i did! i have appointment late this morning. i was supposed to have my mom come over and install things on my computer and then we were supposed to go to her work and put up Christmas decorations then go to lunch.

well i called her after i talked to the doctor. I figured she'd be interested that i'm so fucking sick. but nope, she didn't seem to care. i'm not sure why i'm surprised by this... but the little girl in me keeps hoping one day she'll care.

again with this sick shit

so its 1 am here. and i'm still awake. i'm sitting in the living room because i feel guilty for keeping my husband up by tossing and turning in bed, when he has to be up in 3.5 hours.

so i came out here to sit and sulk.

i feel like absolute crap!
yesterday i couldn't keep anything down
and i think i'll be making a return visit tonight to say hello again to dinner

i feel like i have a finger stuck in my ear
i feel like i have someones thumbs pushing on my eyes
i think there might be a demon in my head tap dancing
and my stomach at this point could double as a cement mixer.

i don't want to take any more meds because i'm already on so many!

....when will this stop?
Sunday, November 25, 2007 0 comments

Worst Fucking Dream Ever!

I woke up this morning bawling my eyes out!

I had a dream last night that I was attending my little brothers funeral! It was possibly the worst experience I have yet to experience in my life!

In my dream he died while at a baseball game! His heart just quit on him! It was so freaking sad. I woke up crying so hard that I woke my husband up. It freaks me out just to think about it!

I hate dreams sometimes!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Saturday, November 24, 2007 0 comments

Downward spiral

I took a nose dive today... straight into the toilet! I woke up this morning feeling suprisingly good. I was still tired, but that wasn't out of the norm. We had some coffee, I had about a half a cup. then we went to shower and I was still feeling fine. I had 1 cookie and 3 ritz crackers and i've been in and out of the bathroom ever since. If I could just get what ever it is thats making me feel like this than I would feel so much better but it wont!

now I have the strange smell of garlic toast and I don't know where it is coming from. I hate hate hate this. I am weak and shakey. I hate this!
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Weird Ass Dreams

So I dream A LOT. I don't know why but i do. Like, more than any normal person should. I can have on average 3 dreams per night. Last night i had a dream about my ex. and i'm not sure who it was or why I was dreaming about it. but we were still in high school. And i was being chased my his friends. And it was in my old neighborhood. And I can't remember, which ex... and I can't remember ever seeing his face in the dream. but I was comforted by their presence. It was really weird. I feel bad for having these dreams. I know I can't control them, but I still feel guilty.

I had another dream that sammy was preagnant. Sammy is my male dog. and i was jealous.

I told you I have some effed up dreams

I had one more but I can't remember which or what was going on.

I don't know why I have so many dreams, or why what happens in them does or does not happen.
Friday, November 23, 2007 0 comments

Tired of being sick

So last Friday I went to the doctor. I just got insurance as of the first of October. I've been really sick for a long time. Going on three months of this now. It sucks. I have almost no voice. The voice that i do have ranges from little boy going through puberty and a cartoon mouse! I cough so hard it makes my neck and ribs hurt. I have a constantly running/stuffy nose. If I eat to much I get sick.

the doctor gave me some prescriptions... but they don't seem to be helping. My husband says that I cough less with the cough syrup they have me on, but it SURE doesn't feel like it!

I keep saying I just want to be less sick. Really that's all I want. If I could get rid of one thing... I would feel sooo good. Right now it is just so hard. I can't work out, I can't go out for long periods of time. I never know from one minute to the next how I am going to feel or what my body is going to do to me. The 21st we went to the turkey-shoot with my parents. I was in the bathroom before I knew what to do. On thanksgiving I was sneezing and coughing every 5 minutes, I feel like I ruined dinner. Now today I'm just so tired that I don't know what to do with myself.

I just want to be better. I'm so tired of being sick.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Life (an update on me)

Hi! my name is Heather (known to most as Mrs.Rotty or just Rotty). I'm trying to sort out my feelings and find a way to calm my anxiety. I am hoping that if i blog my feelings, life happenings, and the like... I'll be able to calm down. I'm working on trying to get things together. I am a very busy person. I am in the US Air Force. I go to school 3/4 to full time and work 3/4-full time. I am always running around. I am constantly busy! It is a busy life!

I got married on June 30Th to the best man I've ever met. He's so amazing. He's kind, gentle, and caring.

We have a 1 year old puppy named Sammy (we call him sammer-jammers). He's a long-haired doxie! He's our baby for now!

jump on in... join in on my ride of a life!!