Monday, December 31, 2007 0 comments

Last Post of 2007

so i guess i better make it good.

i've done a lot and learned a lot this year. i finished my first full year in school. I have one more term then i'm no longer a College Freshman.

I've found a job that i like. I don't 'love' it but it'll do for now. The people are really really nice, but its just mindless work. I'm the office biitch. i do whatever people don't want to do or don't have time to get too. and i get paid pretty minimally.

i got married. i have an amazing husband and a really cute puppy! My husband is amazing.

for 2008
-get back in shape.
-get a work out schedule
-be back to happy with my body
-Keep up the good grades
-fall 08 start my job related studdies.

2007 wasn't too bad, but i'm very excited for 2008
Saturday, December 29, 2007 0 comments


i think i'm becoming/am one! Seriously.
for those who don't know on the nest/not you have a signature line that comes at the end of every post. well as much as the siggy is for the person... everyone else has to see it.
- i love to see pictures of kids. but i do not need your babies head to take up half my screen. good things comein small packages. just town it down a little. and we'll all be happy!

- can we town down the tickers to like maybe 1. you can look forward to 1 thing at a time... thats enough right. seriously! i don't think everyone needs to know how old each of your kids are, how long till your 7th anniversary, and untill school is out. 1 is enough!!!

-as much as i conceving a child means the world to you. seriously, more power to you. but i don't need to know how many times you've tried to 'sperminate' yourself. if you keep it in acronyms and technical terms, i'm all for it. realy its fine with me if you have it on your siggy. but lets keep it semi-classy. an example:
TTC #1 since July '06, Cycle 19
Unexplained infertility
Acupuncture since September 2007
IUI #1 + Clomid = chem. pg/misc. 4w6d (high beta = 14)
Cancelled IUI cycle = BFN
IUI #2 + Clomid = chem. pg/misc. 4w5d (high beta = 15)
IUI #3 + Femara + baby aspirin + Folgard + Lovenox + Endometrin = BFN

Even though thats a little over kill, i still say its acceptable. P.S. this is taken from a nestie on the Trouble TTC board. (ttc=tryint to conseve). I can't imagine having 'unexplained infertility', so i say sure. and FYI- she has no other things in her siggy... good for her! I'm going to leave her name out of it because i'm not sure she wants to be shared.

- If your siggy has a 'blinky' in it. i automatically judge you based on that blinky. i'm sorry but i do. even more so if there is something humping in your siggy or it says 'swim spermies swim' (yes, they exist). If your on a board dedicated to babies, or ttc, or babies on the brain. don't you thik its a little overkill? i say so!

-like i said before good things come in small packages. Limit your siggy. if there are more than say 3 things in your siggy... its probably to much. if you have more than 4 pictures, its probably to much.

Granted there are always exceptions to every thing. but seriously. if your siggy is huge compared to everyone else. maybe you should tone it back.

Long Story short.
Your siggy says a LOT about you
so think about it before you create it!
Friday, December 21, 2007 0 comments

The Holidays

This is SAMMY CLAUS! hahaha. he's such a sweet doggy. he looks sooooooo sad in this picture though!
Sunday, December 16, 2007 0 comments

WOOT Blazers win again!!

They are 7 in a row right now


They are 7-1 for the month of december!

next a 5 home game stretch!

I never gave a crap about basketball before meeting my huband. now i'm all about it! seriously. I never thought i would willingly watch a whole game. I'm so so excited!! we beat the nuggets tonight and they're stuck up players! gah! they make me so mad... you fouled! get over it! seriously!

then they started pretending like one of our guys did something to them when you can see on the replay that they're making it up! dumbasses! seriously!

tomorrow we play New Orleans, then wednesday we play Toronto, then the nuggets again, only on home court! hahaha! i can't wait for friday!

we bought tickets to the game! i can't wait!!


horray for weekends

I love weekends.
I think my love for the weekend is partly my reason for not wanting kids right now... on top of the bazzilion item long list!
Its just so relaxed. There is no time frame, no rushing around. Just chilled out. You can stay in your pj's till 11am and not think anything of it.
i loveeeee just chilling out here on the couch with sammy. I have the laptop in my lap and some cheezy reality tv on and i'm a happy camper, OH and a diet coke. I'm just content to not having to get up again! hahaha.
i love the lazy weekends!
Thursday, December 13, 2007 0 comments

Adventures on public Transportation

So yesterdays commute home... wow! I've seen some weird odd shiit on the max on my commutes. Yesterdays however topped them all. Not in a weird way so much, more as a 'dear lord wtf' sort of way.

So everything seems normal. I left work a little early because i arrived early, and made my way to the street car. I had my head phones on and was just waiting. So the street car shows up and i wait for the doors to open. The doors open and i'm SMACKED in the face with this wall-of-stench! it seriously was sooooooooooo rank in there. Guess what, there was only 1 man on board!!!!! that dude stunk up the whole effing car BY HIMSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So i politely take my seat next to the heater and try to hide the fact that i'm plugging my nose. He may stink but i don't want to be rude, plus he could be a psycho... i wouldn't put it past him. From now on he's known as stinky. So stinky is standing up by the conductors booth when we get on. No one sits around me so i just stare out the window. Stinky sits down, and i'm sorry i had to look at him. HALF his ass is hanging out. its all pimply and icky looking. i literally gagged!

We keep going down the route and people keep getting on and off. Finally someone sits down next to me. At this point i'm almost ready to pass out. She and i look at each other and and exchange horrified looks. Stinky stands up and goes to grab the hand holder thingy bar and his pants are still falling off and now his bigg ole belly is showing and we both look away. Then stinky gets off and me and the girl just start busting up laughing. Thank god my stop was next because i needed fresh air.

ohhhhhhhh myyyyyyyy gawd! it was quite possibly the grossest experience of my life.
Thursday, December 6, 2007 1 comments

Funny Happenings

So i commute. It takes me about an hour to two hours to get two AND from work everyday.

in my commute i take public transportation. Each day i take the light rail (MAX), the street car, the bus, and the Portland Sky tram

On my commute i have 'conversations' with people. Not everyone just the people who i see on a normal day. The main people are: crunchy haired girl, cunstruction boy, wheel chair walker guy, mexican cunstructo man... and so on. I don't know why i have these converstions i just do. I notice things about them and i say so in my head. Like yesterday i noticed that crunch hair girl dyed her hair. It was pulled back so i couldn't tell the color for sure but its darker. looks less crunchy that way. i say upgrade. Then i saw cunstrction boy who is trying to grow facial hair badly... but isn't succeding. it looks kind of funny on him really.

OH i forgot about sleeping dude. There is this guy i see not as often as i used to. but he is ALWAYS asleep. Now i'm guilty of falling asleep on my commute but i try my best not to. this dude is full on head waving with the motion of the MAX asleep. it makes me laugh. He's not homeless because he has a badge on and i've seen him get into his car... well i assume because of this he's not homeless. but he seriously has magical powers because he NEVER misses his stop. he wakes up magically before his stop. i don't get it.

I do this at work to. I'm not sure why. There is this little asian (i say asian because i'm not sure what nationality she is, i know i'm bad) that works in the office next to ours. She's this tiny friendly little spit fire. Well i was going to the bathroom and she came in. the woman pisses like a faucet! seriously! i had to stop my self from laughing.

okay... i'll stop for now.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007 2 comments

lost, frustrated, sad

Its been a rough couple days. I'm struggling with lots of things that may seem really meaningless to others, but are really big to me.

I'm struggling in my college classes. I don't think i'm going to pass one of them, and the other i'm not doing a good grade. Its really hard for me. Things seem to be coming really easy to people around me, and i am struggling! It sucks! It hurts! I'm taking these silly courses in things that have nothing to do ith what i'm doing for school.

its just really hard on me to work so so so hard and get jacked up on school. I get stressed, then i get sick. I get sick, and i can't work. i can't work, and we don't get money. We don't get money, and we can't pay bills.

I'm so so so frustrated.
Monday, November 26, 2007 0 comments

Back to work & Back to school

So i skipped both my classes today, and slept instead. Even though i only slept an hour, it seem to have helped!

I am not so satisfied with the doctor. He seems to be listening to what i am saying but not hearing it. I just want to feel like i'm heard. He did give me ear drops! those have helped relieve some of the pain!

Tomorrow i go back to my regular work schedule. I look forward to it. i love where i work, i love who i work with, and i love what i do. I am just a lowly work study but the people i work with make it so much fun!

gee... thanks

So after a loooong night last night and not so much sleep... my husband told me to call the doctor.

so i did! i have appointment late this morning. i was supposed to have my mom come over and install things on my computer and then we were supposed to go to her work and put up Christmas decorations then go to lunch.

well i called her after i talked to the doctor. I figured she'd be interested that i'm so fucking sick. but nope, she didn't seem to care. i'm not sure why i'm surprised by this... but the little girl in me keeps hoping one day she'll care.

again with this sick shit

so its 1 am here. and i'm still awake. i'm sitting in the living room because i feel guilty for keeping my husband up by tossing and turning in bed, when he has to be up in 3.5 hours.

so i came out here to sit and sulk.

i feel like absolute crap!
yesterday i couldn't keep anything down
and i think i'll be making a return visit tonight to say hello again to dinner

i feel like i have a finger stuck in my ear
i feel like i have someones thumbs pushing on my eyes
i think there might be a demon in my head tap dancing
and my stomach at this point could double as a cement mixer.

i don't want to take any more meds because i'm already on so many!

....when will this stop?
Sunday, November 25, 2007 0 comments

Worst Fucking Dream Ever!

I woke up this morning bawling my eyes out!

I had a dream last night that I was attending my little brothers funeral! It was possibly the worst experience I have yet to experience in my life!

In my dream he died while at a baseball game! His heart just quit on him! It was so freaking sad. I woke up crying so hard that I woke my husband up. It freaks me out just to think about it!

I hate dreams sometimes!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Saturday, November 24, 2007 0 comments

Downward spiral

I took a nose dive today... straight into the toilet! I woke up this morning feeling suprisingly good. I was still tired, but that wasn't out of the norm. We had some coffee, I had about a half a cup. then we went to shower and I was still feeling fine. I had 1 cookie and 3 ritz crackers and i've been in and out of the bathroom ever since. If I could just get what ever it is thats making me feel like this than I would feel so much better but it wont!

now I have the strange smell of garlic toast and I don't know where it is coming from. I hate hate hate this. I am weak and shakey. I hate this!
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Weird Ass Dreams

So I dream A LOT. I don't know why but i do. Like, more than any normal person should. I can have on average 3 dreams per night. Last night i had a dream about my ex. and i'm not sure who it was or why I was dreaming about it. but we were still in high school. And i was being chased my his friends. And it was in my old neighborhood. And I can't remember, which ex... and I can't remember ever seeing his face in the dream. but I was comforted by their presence. It was really weird. I feel bad for having these dreams. I know I can't control them, but I still feel guilty.

I had another dream that sammy was preagnant. Sammy is my male dog. and i was jealous.

I told you I have some effed up dreams

I had one more but I can't remember which or what was going on.

I don't know why I have so many dreams, or why what happens in them does or does not happen.
Friday, November 23, 2007 0 comments

Tired of being sick

So last Friday I went to the doctor. I just got insurance as of the first of October. I've been really sick for a long time. Going on three months of this now. It sucks. I have almost no voice. The voice that i do have ranges from little boy going through puberty and a cartoon mouse! I cough so hard it makes my neck and ribs hurt. I have a constantly running/stuffy nose. If I eat to much I get sick.

the doctor gave me some prescriptions... but they don't seem to be helping. My husband says that I cough less with the cough syrup they have me on, but it SURE doesn't feel like it!

I keep saying I just want to be less sick. Really that's all I want. If I could get rid of one thing... I would feel sooo good. Right now it is just so hard. I can't work out, I can't go out for long periods of time. I never know from one minute to the next how I am going to feel or what my body is going to do to me. The 21st we went to the turkey-shoot with my parents. I was in the bathroom before I knew what to do. On thanksgiving I was sneezing and coughing every 5 minutes, I feel like I ruined dinner. Now today I'm just so tired that I don't know what to do with myself.

I just want to be better. I'm so tired of being sick.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Life (an update on me)

Hi! my name is Heather (known to most as Mrs.Rotty or just Rotty). I'm trying to sort out my feelings and find a way to calm my anxiety. I am hoping that if i blog my feelings, life happenings, and the like... I'll be able to calm down. I'm working on trying to get things together. I am a very busy person. I am in the US Air Force. I go to school 3/4 to full time and work 3/4-full time. I am always running around. I am constantly busy! It is a busy life!

I got married on June 30Th to the best man I've ever met. He's so amazing. He's kind, gentle, and caring.

We have a 1 year old puppy named Sammy (we call him sammer-jammers). He's a long-haired doxie! He's our baby for now!

jump on in... join in on my ride of a life!!