Wednesday, November 26, 2008 3 comments

on a positive note

i'm so excited! i can't wait!!

Just a bit off..

I've been feeling just 'off' the last couple days. i don't really feel connected to anyone or anything lately.

i think this is my way of preparing for deployment. I feel myself distancing myself and getting all anxious and nervous. i don't really know what to do with myself or my hands or my face. I'm laughing at things but its not genuine laughter. its half hearted and empty. i feel myself pulling away. because if I'm not as close to things and people that i hold so dear to me by me it won't hut so bad to leave.

i keep trying to convince myself that my husband isn't that great because that way when i come home and he's not here i won't be as devastated and broken. I keep trying to convince myself that I'm okay. that I'm good on my own that i can do with with our with out my family. and to tell you the truth i can't.

i need them. i need my husband more than i have ever needed anyone in my life. I need him to be there for me. i need him to be my rock at home i need him to write me emails and tell me daily he loves me.

I say this or type this with closed eyes only for the pure fact that if i open my eyes i have tears streaming down my face. this realization just hit me like a tun of bricks. i have a heavy heart because I've been bottling this up and telling myself that what I'm feeling isn't want i'm feeling. that doesn't make sense to you but it does to me.

i feel like i'm rambling incoherently. all i want to do right now is bury my face in my husbands chest and cry and tell him how much i need him and how much i want him to be here. i know he will but i wasn't there when my ex came home and he depended on me. maybe this will be karma's way of kicking me in the ass for not being there for him. i'm so deathly afraid that he won't be here that i'm sick over it.

all i want to do is hold him and feel like time stops.
okay i'm done rambling.

Wednesday Morning

So today i only have to work a half day. I get to get off early because i volunteered to work friday. lol. i'm going to go home and make more cupcakes and try and get it all together before the TURKEY SHOOT!!!!!!!!!! wooty woot woot! i'm so excited!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008 0 comments

sometimes i struggle

Sometimes it sucks being a girl.
i'm moody and pissy and all i want to do is cry and get a really big hug from my husband. Sometimes i'm moody and there really isn't a reason for it. sometimes i just want to cry for no reason other than i just need a good cry.

sometimes i don't know why i do things but it seems right at the time. I have been super snarky to my husband latley. i'm not really sure why. but everything he does bug the crap out of me. he seems super moody too. i'm sure its because i'm moody.

i hate being a girl.
Thursday, November 13, 2008 2 comments

I've been tagged!!

I was tagged by The Cage Queen . I've never been tagged before. Its so interesting to me. I read when other get tagged always secretly hoping that i get tagged. HORRAY!!!
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs.

1.I'm so overly OCD it doesn't work for most people. I have an organization to my chaos. My piles have sub piles and those are catagorized into differant things. Most people it doesn't make sense, but it works for me.

2. My closet is organized to the extreme. from left to right it goes: brown, black, grey, white, off white, tan yellow, orange, red, pink, purple, blue, green. then inside those colors it goes from left to right: sweaters, long sleeves, short sleeves, tank tops. Its a tad bit intense.

3. I am a pen klepto. I'm so bad! if i sign a receipt and i like the way it writes, i swipe it. So if you ever serve me, be prepared to be with out your pen.

4. I'm a little obsessively in love with cupcakes. if i could make a living out of making cupcakes, i would quit my job today and live fat and happy. i'm pretty sure if i could give birth to a cupcake baby i would do it. my love for cupcakes runs to a creepy depth.

5. I have to pee more than the average person while sitting at my desk. but if i'm in my truck driving i can hold it for hourssssssssss. i really don't get it.

6. when i'm stressed, worried, thinking, etc. I clean. My husband knows when i'm in a weird mood and calls me 'turbo' because i'm in fast forward cleaning mode. Its the oddest thing but i find it calming. its my form of meditation

7. I married my husband exactly 1 year after we started dating. we got married on the official dating date. Our parents were shocked, some tried to tell us not to, but we did and its fantastic. There are times when you just know somethings right. He was my missing peice. and i'm thankful every day that i have him.

I tag: bubbly , alliebooberz, Blair, H*E*E , Boop , doyou's , jessis

matt, liz and madeline

If you haven't been following this blog, then you should cause your missing out on reading some intense, funny, interesting, life changing stuff.

Its about the life of a normal guy who tragically lost his wife 27 hours after she gave birth to their beautiful daughter madeline. Its an amazing story and Matt's journey from that day to now is amazing. He's taken his tragic event to help other women and single parent family's all over the US.

the post we're here to talk about is this one:

I've added the badge to my blog (you can see it on the top on the right hand side).

from matts blog:

for those of you who’ve gotten to know me over the past few months, you know where i stand politically. if you click through to the site, you may be surprised to find that their spokesperson is someone with whom i disagree politically. despite this, i wholeheartedly support this charity for all the good that they’ve done for abused, abandoned and neglected children. now…i’m not asking for anything here, but if you’re looking for a way to make a difference this holiday season, this organization is a great one. if you’re hoping to send something to madeline, instead please consider donating the equivalent amount to my stuff bags so that other children can feel the love of countless people they will never meet.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our lives that we forget that there are other people out there struggling. So I'm passing this on to you all. I know you guys are amazing people!!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008 1 comments


It went way better than expected.
man boss reacted like most guys. non emotional, even, type reaction. he said that it sucks, but we'll deal with it and find me a temporary replacement while i'm gone.

she boss took it better than expected but not great. She asked a lot of questions and i helped explain what i could. at the end she told me she supported me and left it at that. So it went better than i thought.

Man-boss is supposed to tell the owner of the company. but i'm not sure if/when he will or did.

it will start slowly leaking around the plant here soon. But i'm prepared. lol.

Now that that is over all i have to worry about is school, work, homework, training, homelife, and family. dang. i have it so easy now. lol.
Monday, November 10, 2008 2 comments

Today's the day

Today's the day that i have to tell my work that i'm deploying. I'm SCARED OUT OF MY MIND! I'm more scared of telling them than i am of actually going over there.

This is not a 'military friendly' state for the most part. And that goes for this place too. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job. Love it! But i've sort of tested the waters when it came down that i could be deployed and what i heard wasn't good. lol. So i just kept my mouth shut and waited. Well now its do or die time.

I'm going to tell my 2 immediate bosses this morning. I'm so nervous i'm shaking. I don't know how they'll react or anything.

lord, give me the stregth to stand up for what i'm doing and grant them the understanding that i'm doing this for noble reasons.

everyone cross your fingers for me...
Thursday, November 6, 2008 0 comments

Thursday Morning

Some days you wish would just speed buy because they're just cruddy.
Yesterday was the day where everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. this morning the weather is just cruddy! its that light misty heavy rain where its that inbetween whipper stage where its to light for the fast speed but to much for the slow speed, but enough to get your truck completley drenched by the water in the roadways when you pass the semi truck. lol.

the view from my office window:

But i'm still here, doing my work. The only thing that gets me awake in the morning is my beautiful savior:

We'll see how the rest of today goes....
Wednesday, November 5, 2008 2 comments

I'm Shocked

I'm seriously shocked about this elections outcome. I'm shocked. I'm worried and i'm not sure what to think.

I've never hidden the fact that i was never an Obama fan. How am i to respect and honor a man who has never served a day in the military, but now has complete control over us? I'm sick with worry right now.

As i sit here preparing to be deployed and the nation is now under the control of somone who has no idea what its like.

I'm speechless.
I wasn't prepared for this. I'm sick with worry right now....
Tuesday, November 4, 2008 2 comments

Election day


Healthy eating on the go....

So i'm sick and tired of how i look. I want to get healthy.
My problem is the convinence of fast food on my hecktic schedule.
i need to lose this weight but i can't get around eating on the go.

if you have any ideas for healthy eating on the go i'd love to hear it.
Monday, November 3, 2008 0 comments


exhaustionl... pure and true exhaustion.
i'm going on work day number 8. I'll be on day #14 before i get my next break
i have to go up to the base for training next friday again.
i'm trying to stay positive.
but i'm just so tired. and there seems to be no end in sight.

blogging abroad

So as some of you know i'm in the military. if you don't, now you do.

i've been told i'm deploying.
no i'm not telling you where,
no i'm not telling you when.
but one day you'll know.

i just thought i'd give my readers a heads up.

everyone cross your fingers i don't get "forced" to sign up for another 6 years while i'm over there. cause everyone knows thats how the military roles.


i've decided i'm leaving my husaband for who ever the hell designed these.

Are you freaking kidding me with the cuteness of this?!?
garfield! i want to lick these so bad.

seriously... mario!!! i'm in love!!!

Now i'm not normally a pokemon person... but i could be swaed by these


and you can interchange the parts so you have cool part robots.

is this or is this not every geeks dream cupcakes?!? LOVE LOVE LOVE