Monday, June 29, 2009 0 comments

I Promise I'm Not Dead...

Just busy.

I had drill this weekend. Hung out with my deployment team members all weekend.
now back to work.

i'll be back to the blogosphere shortly.
i miss you all and your blogs.
Thursday, June 25, 2009 0 comments

So a little work update

So. It still blows. lol.

but it gets better. i try to start each day fresh. I really am trying to put my best effort into every opportunity and into every task I'm assigned. I feel better about this week than last week. I haven't cried after work once this week. which is good to my 4 days in a row last week. haha.

I like to consider myself a 'Microsoft office guru', i have worked with them alot, and they tend to do what i want. So when i was assigned to design a new program on excel to track some of our paperwork i was really excited. My FL (fearless leader) actually commended me on my document. She said (and i quote this) "that you can teach me a lot when it comes to excel, and i thought i knew a lot about excel." so i felt good today. of course she then tweaked it a little bit, but everyone has opinions. and i was able to quickly change it and get it to her liking. now we're just thinking and re-working the categorizations and it'll be set. it felt pretty good for her to like something that much.

i still feel like I'm working below my level. i still feel like I'm her assistant and not a co-worker. blech. but its a paycheck. and a steady one at that. So if this week is so much better than last week. here's hoping next week will improve still!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009 1 comments

The search continues :(

B got the offical regection letter today.
we're not moving. I'm so sad about it too. I cried a little and it wasn't even my job.
please pray he finds something soon.
I love my husband. he's putting on such a brave face. He's amazing.
Sunday, June 21, 2009 1 comments

Next up - Camping! (Loads of Pictures!)

So we went camping at Wyld Cat a couple weeks ago. I had a freaking blast. it was the week before i went back to work. my last hur-ah if you will. I had so much fun. I went with the Hus-beast, his dad (FIL), His Friend S, and her boyfriend R.

We had so much fun.
we went Monday thru Thursday.
Monday we got there and set up camp. S & R brought a friggin keg. so we were set. hahaha.

Driving there (thats S & R behind us)
Such a pretty Drive
Setting up camp.
My Paul Bunyan wanna be! lol. We chopped a lot a wood. well... we didn't. he did.

Tuesday we went on an 8 mile hike back through the amazing back country. So so fun.
The Twin Pillars we *almost* hiked to. lol.
R, S, B & me.
S & R
B! So cute!

Wednesday we all sort of did our own thing. S & R wen't to a local lake to fish. FIL went and hung out with another camper. We went and did some 4x4ing. it was a blast. we just went up some old foresting roads and had fun. although part of it was kinda scrarey.

starting up the road
testing the depth of the puddle.
crazy animal tracks. They were EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the mysterious track. i say cougar.
up we go!

B did doughnuts
the bones we found!!! they were spread all over!! so scarey looking!! those are ribs.
Spinal Column.
Hip BoneEnd of the road! so pretty!
The cows that got in the way. THEY WOULDN'T MOVE!!!

At the top
View from the top! so great!

Down We go.
The pillar at the mouth of the camp area.

Thursday it started raining HARD. So i'm glad thats the day we left. So awesome. I had so much fun i am so glad we got to do that before i went back to work!!

Topics still to talk about:
-Multnomah Falls Hike
-work update
-Drill Weekend
-B's Job Update/Situation
-Car Shopping ( and my new car )
-BFF's marital situation.
-my family BBQ
-School situation

okay... snap out of it!

Okay, back to the topic at hand. ME! lol.
lets get off something besides my whiney posts about my job. for now that is.

Topics still to talk about:
-Multnomah Falls Hike
-work update
-Drill Weekend
-B's Job Update/Situation
-Car Shopping ( and my new car )
-BFF's marital situation.
-my family BBQ
-School situation

Drill Weekend:
So this month i didn't have to be at drill on A-Weekend. My weekend was B-Weekend. lol. But i'm so glad i got to go. I got to spend time with my husband and i got to see him re-enlist. it was great. Its something i was proud i was there for. i just wish i had been in uniform too. but o-well.
And of course i was there with my camera. hello?! did you expect anything else?

He had his commander do it. it was really awesome. His commander at the end gave him a special pen in which he signed it with. it was a really pretty Air Force pen. It was pretty freaking awesome.
Thursday, June 18, 2009 1 comments

I never thought it would be this hard....

So i deffinatley think i went back to work to early. I thought about it today. i'm still technically on leave. i'm not even sure what to write at this point.

I called my mom today (who's still in arizona taking care of grandma) in tears. she really is my best friend and i wish she was here. i know she does better there righ tnow. and grandma needs her more. but i really need my mom.

i just can't take it.

i'm so annoyed. i'm so frustrated. just thinking about it and typing about it is putting me in tears.

i never thought going back to work would be this hard. I hate how weak and emotional i feel.

i can't quit.
i can't change it.
i can't look for a new job.

i'm just stuck.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009 3 comments


OH the drama that is my work...
I hate that I have to work there at this point.

So the first day back - None of the management even said welcome back. it was stressful and unorganized and chaotic. i hated every minute of it. My new Fearless Leader (now called FL) was 5 min late. I dislike hate loathe lateness. I'm not joking. I am always always early. if i'm 15min early i'm around 5min late for me. i'd rather be 1 hour early than 1 second late. And my new FL comes in late, bad first impression.

Then she talks at me. she doesn't talk to me. look lady you're only 7 years older than me. you're not my mom. i'm not your child, i'm your co worker. treat me like it. i had to wait and ask her over and over again for tasks. i was waiting around to be graded like i was in thank you.

The second day went better - my big boss man came and apologized for not saying welcome back, or that they were happy to have me back. then he walked me through a lot of the changes and a lot of the differences in the office that happened after i left. he told me that we were going to be slowly shifting some of my old job back to me and that in the mean time the owner had 'projects' that i'd be working on. I told him that doesn't sound bad. but if i had a list of the tasks i'd like it better. that way i didn't have to stop FL every 5 min when my next task is up. well, when he brought it up to her she said next week. so now i'm filing the papers they should be filing, i'm doing the things 'they don't have time for' or 'they're pet projects'. gah. but it was okay.

Yesterday sucked - for one thing it was CD2. not a happy camper. cramps are evil. i woke up that morning pain from the middle of my back to my ankles. seriously bad pain. but i took some Tylenol and went on my way. I went to work. I wish i had a desk. I wish I had MY desk back. I wish I had any space at all. At this point i barley have a chair to sit in. so i role from one spot to another. currently i'm sitting at big boss-man's desk. i didn't even have a drawer. grrr. its just frustrating. I don't feel like i'm working 1)at a level i left at 2)that i even belong in that office anymore.

If B had a job right now, i'd be looking for a new one. but because his job situation is so up in the air, i can't.

I'm now doing what i said i never would. I wake up ever day hating going to work. I hate every minute of it. I don't want to be there.... so ya.

thanks for letting me vent.

today's Thursday.
which means tomorrow's Friday.
lord help me make it through this week

Wordless Wednesday

Monday, June 15, 2009 2 comments

School Choir Goodness

So i'm a huge fan of celebrity gossip! its a sickness i swear i'm finding a cure for. but in the mean time i was reading He's showcased these kids a couple times on his blog. They're so talented and so darned cute!

Check out the skils!

You Tube Link

i'm also huge fan of lady gaga.

how cute are thes kids???

these amazing kids have a blog too!

amazing the talent! amazing!

5 Question Fun!

So my bloggy friend over at the (mis) adventures of VEG played a little game called 5 questions. She got her's from B @ cuttings of a blog.

I get 5 random questions and answer them, and if you want to play leave me a comment and i'll give you 5 questions.

so veg gave me these 5!

1. Why did you choose an alternative path and join the military?
I always knew i was going to join the military. The only question was, which branch. I knew from the moment i put on my dad's combat boots at 5 years old that i was destined to be in the military. as i grew older i weighed the pros and cons. I really did my research. i looked into all the branches and talked to a lot of people before i decided. I feel that anyone who's physically and mentally able should serve their country in some way shape or form. I chose the military. I love it. i'm 3rd generation and i can't get enough of it. for me the military just makes more sense.

2. Do you consider yourself a girly girl?
Not really. I mean i love to get my hair done and get mani/pedi's but I also LOVE camping, shooting guns, going 4x4ing, going hiking, working out, getting sweaty. So i guess not. its about 70/30.

3. What would be your least favourite chore that you have to do?
Dishes!!!!! i despise dishes. i hate hate hate doing them.

4. What is your favourite item of clothing?
1 item? no not really
items? yes. i live in tank-tops. i almost always have some form of tank top on. i live in them all year round. i have to have close to 30 tank tops.

5. What is the last thing you do at night before you go to sleep?
the very last thing? kiss my husband good night.

who else wants to play?
Sunday, June 14, 2009 1 comments

Back to work tomorrow...

So tomorrow's my first day back at my civilian job. I'm nervous as can be to go back.

If you remember my post about my visit to my job, you'll know its not exactly the most calming place to be. It can feel great to be there and help. I loved my drivers and loved my customers. but my co workers, not so much.

So i got a text message from a friend that works up front last week.

They did indeed make my temp (A) my new supervisor. I'm not excited in any way shape or form for the drama that is awaiting me Monday when i go back. I am however excited to have something to do during the day.

But, i tell you what... this whole civilian employment life stresses me the F out.
in the military you may not be the favorite of certain people, but rank, experience, job performance, and time ends up playing a bigger role than anything else.

in the civilian world, not so much. i'm just not sure what to expect. I don't like the unknown drama i KNOW is ahead.

The only thing i can think of is to keep my mouth shut and keep my head down and test the waters tomorrow. I don't know what else to do. If you have any words of wisdom, i'd seriously appreciate it. any words of encouragement i could use right now.

i'm so stressed out about this and so worried i could cry.
This post deployment stuff i wasn't mentally prepared for. I don't know how to take this stress. i just wanted to go back to my world here. everything just seemed so perfect. now with my job its not. i won't go back to my desk, in my nice quite office with the smokers out side from the clinic next door. I won't have my job, i won't have my duties, i don't know what i'm getting into. I realize this may be such a simple thing, but it feels HUGENORMOUS to me.

i'm pretty sure tomorrow i'll re-read this post and laugh at myself. but right now i'm close to tears over it.

::takes a couple deep breaths and a sip of beer::


On the husband's side of the job mountain, he still hasn't heard from the hospital. he got rejection letters from the hospital down in a different city (thank god). its the same city both of his sisters live in. I mean, they're great when they're 3 city's and 1.5 hour drive away. but in the same city. i might not be able to handle that. so keep your fingers crossed he gets the job we're dreaming about.

Still to come:

-Multnomah Falls Hike
-work update
-Drill Weekend
-B's Job Update/Situation
-Car Shopping ( and my new car )
-BFF's marital situation.
-my family BBQ
-School situation


Sad & Confused

So yesterday was meant to be a great happy day but i got kind of sad news.

My grandmothers husband passed away that morning.

i may go to hell for saying this but... I'm not sad he passed. I am however sad for my grandma. She loved him and for that i grieve because she's grieving.

My grandmothers husband was not a kind or nice person. I did not like him. I know i shouldn't speak ill of the dead (or what ever that saying is) but its true. my grandmother is devastated. and i'm so worried about how she's going to fair with this new blow.

My grandmother has buried 3 husbands now. my mom's dad died when she was 18. him and grandma were divorced and she had already been remarried, but they stayed friends. then when i was in 7th grade her 2nd husband, and the man i considered to be my grandpa died. He had a rough ending of life, and i was both sad and happy that he had passed. sad because i loved him, but happy that he was no longer in pain. G (her 3rd husband) moved in on my grandmother soon after my grandpa's passing. which put a bad taste in my mouth to begin with.

but i won't go into the past i've had with that man. but we'll just leave it at he wasn't my favorite.

i've never had someone die in my life and not been sad to see them go. its a seriously weird feeling. and i feel so much guilt for not being sad. I don't know exactly how to put it into words. I just feel confused.

I got a call early this morning. my parents caught a red eye flight out of P-town down to Arizona to be with my grandma. I wish i could be there for her. but i know right now all she really needs is my mom. She's going to be well taken care of. if we could convince her to move up here, we would but she doesn't do winter. Thus, she's flown south for good.

My mother, me, and my grandma on my wedding day.
I hope to be as strong and self assured as my grandma when i'm her age.
hell... i just hope to make it to her age with half her wit.
Saturday, June 13, 2009 2 comments


I'm a little excited about it. incase you couldn't tell.

yesterday we set out to do the impossible... find me the perfect car. i'm so weird. i don't care about engines or speeds or wheels or anything like that.

this is my list of wants in a car

  • cupholders
  • seats
  • cd player
  • A/C
  • Heat
  • a trunk
  • locks
  • radio (with programable buttons)
  • auto windows
  • auto locks
  • sun roof would be nice

so we go to the first dealership. we get attacked by dealer #1 before we even make it to the cars. he asks us what we're looking for. and takes us around the used cars. he was actually really nice. i found one i liked. it had a lot that i wanted, but i just wasn't sold. So then dealer #1 goes inside to get keys for a differant car and here comes dealer #2. gag me! he was such a sleeze. we told him what i wanted, and how much we were willing to spend and he kept trying to sell me on things out of our price range. we're paying cash people! CASH! we're not financing. we're not taking out a deal with the devil. we're paying cash. we know how much we're willing to spend. not more! come on now.

Then we go to our second dealership. i'm not happy with this place. it creeps me out. i just don't get a good vibe from them. i hated it there. then guess what i left my freaking license at the first dealership. so we go back there to get it and DONT go back to the second dealership. i just didn't like it there. it was dark and yucky! Then we went to our lucky 3rd dealership!

the guy there was a little ADD but GREAT. he wasn't bullshitting us. He wasn't about being a slime ball. he was great. and i found it. i found my car. its not my dream car. but its my car!!

Yesterday we bought me a 2006 Saturn Ion! I'm so excited! i'm so so happy.

  • on my list it has
  • cupholders
  • seats
  • cd player
  • A/C
  • Heat
  • a trunk
  • locks
  • radio (with programable buttons)
  • auto windows
  • auto locks
  • sun roof would be nice

So all and all its not that bad!! i'm so so so excited!!!

oh ya.... pictures!


The Hike - Multnomah Falls

So we went for a fantastic hike last week. It was at one of my favorite spots, Multnomah Falls. Just east of our town. I Loved it. The hike was a mile up and a mile back. It was a straight up hill climb with switch backs. It was a rough hike for me. it was the first time I'd been hiking in years. I'm now 4 years older and a good 50lbs heavier than the last time i hiked it (i was fresh out of basic training). To put the topper on an already depressing note, i remember the last time i hiked i literally RAN (i freaking ran) down the last mile... in flip flops. are you kidding me? i want to punch past me in the throat. gah!
But B was really nice and stopped with me while i cought my breath and let my pulse settle down. but i was so glad we did it. seeing the view from the top was so worth the cardio. man did my feet hurt though. but i got to rock my fancy-nancy hiking boots. which i was totally excited about!
The View from the top of the falls

The View from the top of the falls

Looking down over the edge
B looking at the falls.
we're sweaty but we did it!

Then after we hiked to the top of the falls, we went back and took this side trail off of the main trail. i was tired as all get out but i'm so so glad we did. It was beautiful. There was a second waterfall back there and this beautiful cavern looking thing that we walked through. it was amazing. totally made the trip.

The second water fall. It was much more beautiful in person.

the river (or creek) was so beautiful. and cool and refreshing.

i went and played in the water.

the mini-waterfall on the path

The cavern. it was soo pretty (oh and B)

I don't know why this part of the walk fasinated me so much, but it did. i just thought it was amazinly beautiful in its earthy way.

I became a little obsessed with it.

cool stone foot bridge
my super awesome hiking boots. i seriously rolled my ankle like 4 times. didn't get seriously hurt. thats awesome for a clutz like me

the walking tunnel uner the highway dividing the falls from the parking lot.
i just thought it was a good picture.