Wednesday, January 26, 2011 0 comments

And the hits just keep coming.

As I mentioned in my last blog post. I've been fighting with the military in order to get my reenlistment bonus.

I went in on Monday to provide the paperwork to prove that i was supposed to be in a duty position before i reenlisted. The woman who works in the office said that the only person who could back date my file wasn't in on Monday. I asked it i could come back and check on it.

Tuesday I had class all day and couldn't make it back on base.

Wednesday I went on base after my class. I was told that the woman who could back date it was only on duty for another 10 minutes, which in government work means that she's done for the day. the woman in the office went and talked to her and I was told that I was trying to back date it in the system 'to far back'. which is so frustrating.

She said she would 'see what she could do' and if I didn't hear from her by Friday (tomorrow) than I'm supposed to call her. But, I'm going to be on duty tomorrow. So I figure I'll just swing by.

I'm just frustrated. I just really need the money. and to be honest, i have NO idea what the bonus is. I just know that I deserve it, but they won't give it to me easily.



Frustrated at life.

I start my second week of school this week. I'm going through a lot of transitions at my unit. I'm struggling to keep afloat already and I’m only one week in.

I came to a realization that I can't fix people and they're going to be fucking crazy with or without me. And that the only time me and B have really fought since we moved down here has to do with 2 people. So I’m slowly fazing them out. Not a big dramatic cut ties, but a lot less them and a lot more me. It was a long time coming. I just need to realize that I can't fix people at the deficit of me and my relationship.

That just means that B's the only person I have to talk to here now. So its back to the blog to vent and release. After all the whole reason I started this blog was to deal with my anxiety. So why not go back to that.

I found out last Thursday that there is a complication with my re-enlistment bonus. And I’m fighting to get it. My military records in the system didn't accurately reflect what it needed to, so until I get that fixed, I can't get my money. Which is stressful because B's been stressing his student loans and CC balance. I went in and corrected what was holding up the process, but what do you figure, the only person who can fix the glitch wasn't in. So now I have to go back in today to see if it was fixed.

I was on duty on Friday and Saturday. Friday I go into get on a computer and I can't get into the system. After fighting for 3 hours, the Com. people tell me that I’ve been completely deleted from the entire system. My old base is migrating there system and when the deleted the people who are no longer there, they delete them out of the system as a whole. I didn't get computer access till 2:30. The duty day ends at 4:30. It was so frustrating. I got the opportunity to come in and work every Friday to get the training material together for the inspection we have coming up. Its a GREAT opportunity for me to prove myself and show what I know. But, it can also place me in a spot light and that isn't always a good thing. People often think that if its 'not broke, why fix it'. Unfortunately, there is a lot that needs to be fixed in this unit.

I had to talk to B today about helping me out around the house. I told him that my class schedule is going to be hard core this term and i can't continue to do it all around the house like I have been. I told him that on his days off he's going to need to help me. He seemed to take it okay, and even made dinner for me tonight. He's been really trying because he already see's how much home work I have already, and again its only the second week.

I'm just frustrated.
Mostly I'm over tired. My sleep has been for shit lately. I'll have 1 or 2 days of good sleep, then i have a string of days of really poor sleep.

I really have no point to this I just needed to vent.
Thank you for listening.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011 0 comments

Insomnia Blogging

Hello blogosphere.

Tonights the 5th or 6th night B's been working nights. I'm laying in bed pondering life's lessons, thinking about the deep meanings or something like that.

such as, I hate wearing clothes to bed. but it just doesn't feel right when B's not home and in bed. So it takes me longer to fall asleep, but it feels better. How the eff does that work.


how can I love 1 author so much that i can't put down her books on one series. but on the new series I'm struggling to get through each book. How does she go from insomnia inducing to coma inducing?
who is the artist of this?
I don't know why i love this so much, I found it on another tumblr account. I fell in love with it. and stole it. I would give a photo-credit, but don't know which one I got it from.

Speaking of Tumblr.
I have one! I'm trying to do a 365 photo challenge. I had a lot of friends try this, and some have already stopped. its only 11 (technically 12) days into the new year.


I've been doing pretty good. I've been thinking of starting a challenge, or theme each week to try and make it interesting. Like I'm thinking about making next week an 'inside my house' week. Take pictures of things only inside my house. Or, a 'view from my couch' where every picture I take must be from the seated position on some portion of my couch (which is hugenormous by the way). We shall see though. I'm afraid if i give myself to much restrictions, I won't follow through. Right now its easy to post a random picture a day.... but we are only 11 days in.

I'm also keeping up with my 'healthy life style change'.

I'm trying to get a group of online friends to do a 'biggest loser challenge'. As well as doing a 90 day challenge with my friend in real life. Plus I've started doing the Insanity work outs again.

I really don't have a 'wrap it up' type of comment for all this, but I will leave you with a wee bit of awesomeness

Monday, January 10, 2011 0 comments

When enough is enough

So in my last blog i stated that I was at a loss.

The reason I'm lost is in regards to one of my best friends in the whole world. I've talked about her a lot before on here. She's my best friend and the mother of my god son.

The problem is she's in an abusive relationship...... again. She's been with this boy (I say boy because men don't abuse women) for over a year now. and the longer she's been with him the worse he keeps getting. He isn't physically abusive, but he is mentally and verbally abusive xBizzilion.

On thursday night, It got so bad that she had to lock her self in their bathroom in order to get away from his verbal war he was waging against her.

On Friday, she went in for an abortion. The whole day he was calling, texing, and emailing her telling her he was moving all her stuff out of the house and that she was out on her own and that he wasn't going to be there for her at her appointment

Friday night, she was back with him. Telling me 'she hates how much she loves him'.

I feel so twisted with emotions inside.

I feel terrible that I'm not there to rescue her this time.
I feel terrible i wasn't there for her at her appointment to be the comfort he can't and won't be.

I feel incredibly relieved that I am free of the drama because i'm over 600 miles away with no possible way to get home to her.

If my godson wasn't in the middle of all of this, I probably would have cut ties with her and the drama a long long time ago.

but unfortunately there's a sweet little boy caught up in the mix, and I'm not about to let him out of my life any time soon.

Friday, January 7, 2011 0 comments

Friday Fill Ins

1. It's 2011; I _____.

2. _____ pickles.

3. Thankfully I have my _____.

4. _____ the best things in life.

5. I am so _____.

6. _____ bowl _____.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _____, tomorrow my plans include _____ and Sunday, I want to _____!

1. It's 2011; I am so excited for what the new year bring.

2. I HATE pickles.

3. Thankfully I have my husband.

4. he brings out the best things in life.

5. I am so lucky and loved.

6. I love to go bowling.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to seeing good friends, tomorrow my plans include going to drill and trying to stay awake and Sunday, I want to make sure I get everything accomplished.

Thursday, January 6, 2011 1 comments

I'm at a loss

I'm alone... in my bedroom... folding clothes @11:47pm

your probably asking 3 questions.
1) why are you alone?
2) why are you still up?
and the big one
3) why are you at a loss?

Well, I'm alone because my husband starting working nights yesterday. He's on shift at the hospital (he's an RN) from 6pm -7:30am. So I'm alone pretty much all day now.

I'm alone when I go to bed. when I get up, he's going to bed. I'm alone all day (trying to be as quite as possible). He gets up for dinner and then leaves for work. we're together for about 3-4 hours a day now.

This is going to be a long 4 months. d

At his place of employment they're shifted from day shift to night shift every 3-4 months. That way they never get to burned out on one shift of the other.

but for those with families, I just can't imagine how hard night shift would be. I mean right now its just me and Sammy-poochy. and it already sucks and we're only on day (or night) 2.

Why I'm still up is because I'm the freaking best wife EVER.
What I do before I go to bed is fold my husbands clothes.
while he's sleeping I do laundry. The washer and dryer and bedroom are on opposite ends of the house.

So before I go to bed, I nest a little by folding his clothes and making the bed. Even though he doesn't notice, and i'm the only one sleeping in the bed. but thats okay.

the reason I'm at a loss....
I think this is going to be a post for another night.