Back to work tomorrow...

So tomorrow's my first day back at my civilian job. I'm nervous as can be to go back.

If you remember my post about my visit to my job, you'll know its not exactly the most calming place to be. It can feel great to be there and help. I loved my drivers and loved my customers. but my co workers, not so much.

So i got a text message from a friend that works up front last week.

They did indeed make my temp (A) my new supervisor. I'm not excited in any way shape or form for the drama that is awaiting me Monday when i go back. I am however excited to have something to do during the day.

But, i tell you what... this whole civilian employment life stresses me the F out.
in the military you may not be the favorite of certain people, but rank, experience, job performance, and time ends up playing a bigger role than anything else.

in the civilian world, not so much. i'm just not sure what to expect. I don't like the unknown drama i KNOW is ahead.

The only thing i can think of is to keep my mouth shut and keep my head down and test the waters tomorrow. I don't know what else to do. If you have any words of wisdom, i'd seriously appreciate it. any words of encouragement i could use right now.

i'm so stressed out about this and so worried i could cry.
This post deployment stuff i wasn't mentally prepared for. I don't know how to take this stress. i just wanted to go back to my world here. everything just seemed so perfect. now with my job its not. i won't go back to my desk, in my nice quite office with the smokers out side from the clinic next door. I won't have my job, i won't have my duties, i don't know what i'm getting into. I realize this may be such a simple thing, but it feels HUGENORMOUS to me.

i'm pretty sure tomorrow i'll re-read this post and laugh at myself. but right now i'm close to tears over it.

::takes a couple deep breaths and a sip of beer::

ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

On the husband's side of the job mountain, he still hasn't heard from the hospital. he got rejection letters from the hospital down in a different city (thank god). its the same city both of his sisters live in. I mean, they're great when they're 3 city's and 1.5 hour drive away. but in the same city. i might not be able to handle that. so keep your fingers crossed he gets the job we're dreaming about.

Still to come:

-Multnomah Falls Hike
-work update
-Drill Weekend
-B's Job Update/Situation
-Car Shopping ( and my new car )
-Camping
-BFF's marital situation.
-my family BBQ
-School situation

Well... love or hate?

I switched it up. i haven't added back my widgets yet. but i'm loving it at the moment. its just so... me! coffee and a planner. yep. totally me.

I Feel Like I've Been Lied To

So for my entire life, i have heard "no news is good news". Who ever said that is a fucker and a liar.

No news is NOT good news. No news is HELL!!!

So as I've said before I'm supposed to leave this week. well... today's Thursday and i still have no idea what the hell is going on.

1) yes, i know the military works on its on time table, but that doesn't mean i have to like it.
2) yes, I'm still getting paid, but again... i fully plan on using my right to bitch about it.
3) yes, i know I'll still be home soon. but not knowing is killing me.

In all honesty if they told me i was going to be here for another month, I'd be good. sad, but at least I'd know. this whole "maybe tomorrow" bullshit has GOT to stop. for the sake of my sanity.

Blog for the Cause

So A e-friend of mine has an etsy shop.

Fred's Etsy

here's her story:
My husband Alan and I are becoming foster and adoptive parents in the near future, and this Etsy shop is our fundraiser to help us get prepared. It's been an exciting Christmas, and we're looking forward to a New Year with a lot of wonderful changes for our family.

All of my items are handmade, and i tend to work in glass beads for jewelry and fabric arts for purses, diaper bags, etc. If you are interested in a custom item, please contact me and I'll be happy to work with you on style, color, etc to give you the one-of-a-kind item you are dreaming of.


She has wonderful handbags and jewlery.
If your looking for a good etsy shop, this is about as good as they come!
Help her help out.

matt, liz and madeline

If you haven't been following this blog, then you should cause your missing out on reading some intense, funny, interesting, life changing stuff.
http://www.mattlogelin.com/

Its about the life of a normal guy who tragically lost his wife 27 hours after she gave birth to their beautiful daughter madeline. Its an amazing story and Matt's journey from that day to now is amazing. He's taken his tragic event to help other women and single parent family's all over the US.

the post we're here to talk about is this one:
http://www.mattlogelin.com/archives/2008/11/11/thank-you/

I've added the badge to my blog (you can see it on the top on the right hand side).

from matts blog:

for those of you who’ve gotten to know me over the past few months, you know where i stand politically. if you click through to the site, you may be surprised to find that their spokesperson is someone with whom i disagree politically. despite this, i wholeheartedly support this charity for all the good that they’ve done for abused, abandoned and neglected children. now…i’m not asking for anything here, but if you’re looking for a way to make a difference this holiday season, this organization is a great one. if you’re hoping to send something to madeline, instead please consider donating the equivalent amount to my stuff bags so that other children can feel the love of countless people they will never meet.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our lives that we forget that there are other people out there struggling. So I'm passing this on to you all. I know you guys are amazing people!!

I NEED YOUR HELP

i just had a friend tell me something huge.

she told me her mom is going to kill herself in 3 weeks if her workmans comp doesn't help her.
she's devistated, doesn't know where to go, what to do.

I need you guys to help me. i don't know where to start.

She's still working and going through the motions but i can tel, by her eyes that its not okay. help!!!

**update**
So i called and talked to my husband to see if he knew of any hospitals in the area of her mom. He's also looking at places for people who don't want the help them selves.
I gave her the 1800 number.
She's aftraid if she calls her mom will hate her.
I told her its better for her to hate you now and for her to get better and she'll forgive you later than for her to love you and 3 weeks from now not be around.
i told her how dangerous it is for her mom to be saying her 'goodbyes' and so on.
My husband and i have each lost someone to suicide, so it really hits home for us.
I'll let you guys know what happens later.
thanks a million for all your help