Sunday, June 14, 2009

Back to work tomorrow...

So tomorrow's my first day back at my civilian job. I'm nervous as can be to go back.

If you remember my post about my visit to my job, you'll know its not exactly the most calming place to be. It can feel great to be there and help. I loved my drivers and loved my customers. but my co workers, not so much.

So i got a text message from a friend that works up front last week.

They did indeed make my temp (A) my new supervisor. I'm not excited in any way shape or form for the drama that is awaiting me Monday when i go back. I am however excited to have something to do during the day.

But, i tell you what... this whole civilian employment life stresses me the F out.
in the military you may not be the favorite of certain people, but rank, experience, job performance, and time ends up playing a bigger role than anything else.

in the civilian world, not so much. i'm just not sure what to expect. I don't like the unknown drama i KNOW is ahead.

The only thing i can think of is to keep my mouth shut and keep my head down and test the waters tomorrow. I don't know what else to do. If you have any words of wisdom, i'd seriously appreciate it. any words of encouragement i could use right now.

i'm so stressed out about this and so worried i could cry.
This post deployment stuff i wasn't mentally prepared for. I don't know how to take this stress. i just wanted to go back to my world here. everything just seemed so perfect. now with my job its not. i won't go back to my desk, in my nice quite office with the smokers out side from the clinic next door. I won't have my job, i won't have my duties, i don't know what i'm getting into. I realize this may be such a simple thing, but it feels HUGENORMOUS to me.

i'm pretty sure tomorrow i'll re-read this post and laugh at myself. but right now i'm close to tears over it.

::takes a couple deep breaths and a sip of beer::


On the husband's side of the job mountain, he still hasn't heard from the hospital. he got rejection letters from the hospital down in a different city (thank god). its the same city both of his sisters live in. I mean, they're great when they're 3 city's and 1.5 hour drive away. but in the same city. i might not be able to handle that. so keep your fingers crossed he gets the job we're dreaming about.

Still to come:

-Multnomah Falls Hike
-work update
-Drill Weekend
-B's Job Update/Situation
-Car Shopping ( and my new car )
-BFF's marital situation.
-my family BBQ
-School situation


B said...

I felt like this after I spent a year traveling. It's hard to go back, specially if the job has changed, but you'll be fine!