Monday, June 21, 2010

Random Ramblings turns slightly insane.

So, Rotty, now that you have all this time on your hands what are you doing?

Oh funny you should ask. I’ve kept myself busy
1) I started sewing
2) I’ve cleaned a lot
3) Lots of organizing
4) Oh and I’ve developed this nasty little habit of talking to myself


So tonight wasn’t so good, I had a lot of issues. I’ve been really sad with B being gone. So I do what has become one of my favorite things to do when I’m stressed, sad, or upset.
I turn on the shower (extra warm) and sit. I sit in the bottom of the shower, close the shower curtain and hang out.

There is nothing more relaxing to me than sitting in the shower, letting the warm water beat down on me and think.

So I’m sitting there in the shower, and I’m thinking. And I’m thinking, and I’m thinking.

So I decide to talk out loud. Maybe it was like a prayer out loud (just talking to god… naked), maybe I was talking to Sammy (who was sleeping on the bath mat), or maybe I’m slowly spiraling into a quiet insanity. Either way….

I know that I’m being a whiney crying brat. But its how I’m feeling. I’m having issues with B being gone. It’s weird, very weird. I’ve decided I like being the one deployed MUCH more.
It’s just so different with him gone. The one constant since I came home is B. He’s always been home. Always been here for me, and now he’s not. Now he’s the one who’s gone, and it’s hard to get used to.

Tomorrow I start my first day back to school in almost 2 years. And there will be no one here to say ‘good luck’, or ‘good bye’, or ‘you can do it’.

The fact that B’s in the field right now doesn’t help any. I know that while he’s been gone to this school I’ve been so spoiled. He’s been able to communicate with me almost every day. I know

I’m going to have to get used to this, but right now. It sucks. HARD CORE.

Sorry that this is so rambly and whiney. But I just needed to get it out.



Erica said...

I don't think you're being a whiney brat at all. About tomorrow... good luck, you're gonna do great! Kick some ass, take some names! Oh, and I love to sit in the shower too, it's just very peaceful.

JvW said...

My DH isn't in the military, but he travels a lot for work so I can kind of relate. It sucks to not be able to talk to them, especially when you're starting something new. If it makes you feel better, I talk to myself all the time, and I talk to my cats.

GOOD LUCK TOMORROW! Have a great first day back at school. Can't wait to hear all about it.

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